Well, I have zero discipline. But thankfully, in some areas, I manage to think ahead (In that I stockpiled on internet cheapies), and right now, I think the gods are smiling down on me. I can only fervently hope that they remain so benevolent for the next 9 months, and beyond.
I've been testing since 8 DPO. Yesterday (9 DPO), It still looked like a BFN, but if you stared at it for 3 minutes without blinking and held it an angle, you could see the faintest smudge of a shadow where the second line should be. That shadow which very well may have been a figment of my imagination kept me sane through yesterday. I'm glad I have a place to say this out loud without people thinking I'm nuts. Or, rather, I hope you won't.
Today, I had vowed to not test till evening, but my resolution cracked early, at around 7 am. Still a tantalizing hint of a shadow. At 2 pm today, I got that first, clear, yet super faint second line---can you see it? The test on top is actually supposed to be a more sensitive brand sold by earlypregnancytests.com , with a sensitivity of 10 mIU/ml, while the one at the bottom is thier regular one with a lower sensitivity of 20 mIU/ml, and their regular brand is actually better, IMO.
So right now, at this moment, I am pregnant. Today, I'm afraid of a chemical pregnancy. A week from now, if things continue to go well, I'll be afraid of an empty sac at at 6.5 weeks. Or twins. Twins mean I can't go back to India, because I can't chance a high risk pregnancy, with all the stuff that can go wrong there. After that, I'll be afraid of the heartbeat stopping before embryogenesis is complete. Then, comes the fear of improper development and a 5 month termination. Then, come all the multitude of the2nd and 3rd trimester fears.After birth, I'm sure there is a brand new set you inherit.
The innocence is gone. But thankfully,despite the fear, I still have the ability to truly enjoy this moment. This is a beautiful day, no matter what tomorrow brings. And I hope (and feel optimistic even) that it will bring good things. I'm so grateful that I've been given this chance.
Btw...I hope this post goes some way towards exploding the myth of FMU (first morning urine) being the most optimal to test in. I had a BFN in my FMU. But this early, beta production (and excretion in the urine) is mainly a function of time. The test at 10 pm is more likely to be darker than the test at 2 pm , which is more likely to have more beta HCG thnt the FMU collected when you just wake up
I've been testing since 8 DPO. Yesterday (9 DPO), It still looked like a BFN, but if you stared at it for 3 minutes without blinking and held it an angle, you could see the faintest smudge of a shadow where the second line should be. That shadow which very well may have been a figment of my imagination kept me sane through yesterday. I'm glad I have a place to say this out loud without people thinking I'm nuts. Or, rather, I hope you won't. Today, I had vowed to not test till evening, but my resolution cracked early, at around 7 am. Still a tantalizing hint of a shadow. At 2 pm today, I got that first, clear, yet super faint second line---can you see it? The test on top is actually supposed to be a more sensitive brand sold by earlypregnancytests.com , with a sensitivity of 10 mIU/ml, while the one at the bottom is thier regular one with a lower sensitivity of 20 mIU/ml, and their regular brand is actually better, IMO.
So right now, at this moment, I am pregnant. Today, I'm afraid of a chemical pregnancy. A week from now, if things continue to go well, I'll be afraid of an empty sac at at 6.5 weeks. Or twins. Twins mean I can't go back to India, because I can't chance a high risk pregnancy, with all the stuff that can go wrong there. After that, I'll be afraid of the heartbeat stopping before embryogenesis is complete. Then, comes the fear of improper development and a 5 month termination. Then, come all the multitude of the2nd and 3rd trimester fears.After birth, I'm sure there is a brand new set you inherit.
The innocence is gone. But thankfully,despite the fear, I still have the ability to truly enjoy this moment. This is a beautiful day, no matter what tomorrow brings. And I hope (and feel optimistic even) that it will bring good things. I'm so grateful that I've been given this chance.
Btw...I hope this post goes some way towards exploding the myth of FMU (first morning urine) being the most optimal to test in. I had a BFN in my FMU. But this early, beta production (and excretion in the urine) is mainly a function of time. The test at 10 pm is more likely to be darker than the test at 2 pm , which is more likely to have more beta HCG thnt the FMU collected when you just wake up
OH! YAAAAAAYYYYY!!! very very exciting!!! :) Whoo hoo!!
ReplyDeletemo
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! So exciting!!! :)
ReplyDelete(I also don't believe in FMU, when it came to OPKs it was always my 2nd or 3rd that was positive. I got my BFP in the afternoon too.)
Congrats!!! Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteI DEFINITELY see a second line - yahooooo! Congratulations!! Here's to an uneventful, smooth 9.5 months :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!! I always love that first faint positive!!! It is faint but it is there.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry, everyone has all of those same fears that you do about pregnancy. :)
Congrats to you on this great news! Your attitude of trying to enjoy today and not get ahead of yourself with all of the fears seems like the right approach. I am sending many good vibes and baby-ful thoughts your way!
ReplyDelete- Tara
Jay, Congrats! Just enjoy the moment. Lots and lots of good wishes.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see it. Congratulations!! I hope you get great beta numbers that result in a very smooth sailing for the next 9 months.
ReplyDeleteOh my! Congratulations!!! That is wonderful news. I really hope this is it for you. FX for a good beta level & doubling.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's fantastic, Jay! Definitely thinking good thoughts that this is the one! Interesting that you found the regular early pregnancy tests.com strip better than the ultra sensitive one. The regular one sensitive to 20 is the one that didn't show up as positive the same day my beta was 30. But that was nearly 3 1/2 years ago and maybe their tests are better now, or I just got a bad batch, or for whatever reason it just didn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteI second Mo: Yay!!! Very exciting!!! I wondered where you'd gone to, and here you were testing away out there. :-) I can definitely see the line - everything crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteSo so excited for you...the worry just begins. This may sound strange but I'm hoping you get 9 months of worry followed by 18+ years of worry, that kind of worry. Sending positive thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteYeah!!!! Great news congrats! Heres hoping for some nice solid betas!
ReplyDeleteOne BIG hurdle down! Congratulations!! Praying it is sticky :-D
ReplyDeleteHells YES!!! I'm so excited for you Jay!
ReplyDeleteI had the same experience with FMU. It was a BFN at 10 and 11dpo, then FMU 12dpo faint, and just darker at 12dpo at 4pm. That's a good point about HCG levels that early.
SO SO happy for you!!
Beautiful, Congratulations!!!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats!
ReplyDeleteI see it, loud and clear. Wonderful news, Jay. Here is hoping that the line gets darker and darker and darker. And that the next nine months go without any glitch whatsoever. Lovely news.
ReplyDeleteTwo beautiful lines! Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete