Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The weathering of storms

I have to admit, I have led a very charmed existence this first year, in that I have had tons of help in raising Gauri. I do not need to shower while having her perched in her rocker four feet away, the way I know many new moms have to do it, because there are always multiple somebodies available to take care of her. I can go out for adult meals when I want, though it is pretty darned rare. I can even take in a movie every now and then. I do not have to gobble down my food while keeping an eye on her.

And  the best of all, as I weathered a monster storm of tooth eruption combined with her first infection (a relatively mild respiratory tract infection that felled everybody in our family) combined with a maid with very poor decision making skills who came to work with conjunctivitis and promptly gave it to her, I had tons of help.

As she woke up screaming 4 times a night because she could not breathe because her nose was blocked, or when she coughed so hard she threw up, I had help. 

My dad and my mom (especially my dad) have been my rocks through this. My dad would insist on staying up through the night to help me with her, so I could get sleep. The night that I weathered the worst of the infection myself, my brothers took care of her so I could get sleep.

I would never dream of talking about all this because I know how rare this setup and such help is, but I am now, because in about 7-8 months time, I probably will leave it all behind to move to the US with Gauri by myself, and take care of her by myself. Most things I am okay with, but what scares me, as it should, is dealing with illness alone. People may think I am actually nuts to leave this behind to manage by myself, but I have my reasons.

Does year 2 get easier than year 1? I hope so, though I know each time comes with its own issues.

But I am so relieved: she has been out of sorts for two whole weeks, and it was such bliss to see my happy baby back again, as opposed to one that burst into tears once an hour. 

Action also needs to be initiated on the discipline front. This is a child surrounded by too many people who act like she is the sun, moon, and the stars. Plus she is a naturally strong willed child with signs of a temper she has come by honestly.  While there is no overt indulging happening, such children possibly become subliminally more aware of the power they wield, and like little dictators, take shameless advantage.  In that way, our move to America, while traumatic, may be good in a way. All in all, I'm really going to have to bring my A-game in this department. Wish me luck, people. I have managed the first crucial bit: she is utterly connected to and trusts me and the grandparents. The next part is using this trust and connection for discipline, and I *ulp* when I think of that.

On the progress front, unintelligible, too cute words are coming out constantly from that mouth, and it is funny to see myself follow her around, ears straining, trying to figure out if her first word is actually nestled within streams of baby babble.  Atto Atto toi toi toi whaaaaaaaaa? Fun times, but also a bit poignant because each phase is gone before you know it, never to repeat again, unless you plan to have many kids, which I do not.

Btw, a blogpost is up on the science blog: it is about Omega 3 fatty acids and that holy grail of topics, baby sleep. Here is the link.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Keeping up with baby: a how-to post

Gauri turned 8 months old a few days ago, and boy, is she keeping us busy.  Had I been  taking care of her alone by myself in the US, even with a nanny/au-pair for help, both the nanny and I would have needed a nice padded cell within a few days, I think.

Oh, I exaggerate. But seriously, this child has energy. If adults could channel even a fraction of baby energy, we could move mountains. This little monkey needs to be on the move constantly. Crawling, standing up and just expecting the person behind her to catch her as she eventually loses balance, opening cupboards,  investigating things, mouthing everything in sight, climbing (she fearlessly would climb up an entire floor, while whoever was trailing behind would live in fear that she would slip and we would fail to catch her), investigating everything, and just moving. All day long. She actually fell behind on the weight curve despite drinking copious amounts of formula and being on solids, just because every calorie was directed towards movement.

In all this, I have had to be super creative just to find things for her to do that will keep her sitting relatively still for short periods of time---a dire need as the relatively baby-safe areas in my house are limited as hell, and her caretakers are tired.

Coming up with a list here as to what has worked for me (other than toys like activity tables, which has been a big hit):

Books: Around the start of her 7th month, she actually started paying attention to me reading to her, and it is a fantastic way to get her to stay still. I've done a ton of research on baby books now (the Facebook group comes in very handy), and I'm putting up a list of what works, and what failed:

What works:
  • The Usborne series of Touch-and-feel books (I've tried and can vouch for "That's not my Panda/Monkey/Dinosaur." Thumbs down for "That's not my Tiger/Lion"----not their best efforts).
  • Margaret Wise Brown's Goodnight Moon (I am really surprised how much she loves this one--cannot figure out the mysterious alchemy that makes it work)
  • Sandra Boyton's Moo Ba La La La (Huge hit, and here I can see the appeal)
  • Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar (What makes this book work is the holes in it..she loses interest the minute the pages with the holes punched in are done)
  • Bill Martin Jr.'s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? (Huge hit)
  • Nina Laden's Peek-a-Who (expresses moderate interest in this---I think the mirror in the end saves it)
  • Herve Tullet's The Game Of Finger Worms (You have to draw faces on your fingers and stick them in the holes---kind of fun for everybody involved)
  • Karen Katz's Where Is Baby's Belly Button? (Huge hit, and I love how well executed this lift-a-flap book is) 
  • Bernadette Rossetti Shustak's I Love You Through and Through (expresses moderate interest in this, but I do like the illustrations, they are really nicely done).
Failed to/has not yet worked:
  • FAIL: Sandra Boyton's That's not my Hippopotamus (she would just wander off after looking at the first page)
  • FAIL: Bill Martin Jr.'s Chicka Chicka Boom Boom: at 9 months, she shows no interest in this one.
  • FAIL: Dr. Seuss's One Fish, Two Fish, Three, Four, Five Fish (Dr. Seuss Nursery Collection)--Boring! Not impressed at all. 
  • Too young for: Mr Tiger Goes Wild (This is a Boston Globe-Horn Book Award winner, and is awesome. Highly recommend)
  • Too young for: Where the Wild things are (Caldecott medal winner, I loved this---waiting for her to get old enough to get it).
Fridge Magnets! This was discovered quite by chance, that this child is endlessly fascinated by the few paltry fridge magnets we possessed. Since our kitchen is distinctly NOT child-friendly, I will be investing in a magnetic board and a few magnetic toy sets (so much fun looking on Amazon---if anybody wants recommendations and does not feel up to research, let me know).

Photos: Also discovered quite by chance that this child loves pictures of us, and particularly pictures of other babies. I'm having collages made of family pictures, and will also come up with photo books, and the thing I am the most excited about is a giant collage I am having made of all her half-siblings (14 in all) and herself, and tell her who they are.    

Busy Boards: Considering something like this, as this baby loves hinges and door knobs and things that slide.

All in all, it is amazing how excited *I* get over these little things. If anybody has more ideas, please share!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Turbulent joy

I had a visitor a few days ago. This person's visit resurrected a few memories: she was my house guest at the time I had my first IUI (in total secret). I had to drop her off at 7 am on a Saturday to a conference an hour away, and drive back pell-mell to be on time for my IUI appointment. I vividly remembered all the impatience and the excitement of that time. She left midway through the agonizing two-week wait, and I remember my huge relief  that I could then savor the anticipation out in the open. I remembered the surreal and utterly joyous moment I got that positive test, and the utter anticipation in the 2.5 months that followed, and finally, the crushing realization that it was all going to come to nothing.

Four years later, as I watched this visitor play with Gauri, my thought process shifted. It was not for nothing. Each painful step of the way was a step in the journey that was bringing me to this baby, each step helped lay the foundation to help me figure out what I had to do to make her come into being. That line of thought dispatched that sad sense of futility. Nonetheless, even in my wildest happy dreams, I could not have envisioned the miracle that is this child.

I had always wondered if the souls of the babies I have lost would return to me one day. Here is a line of thinking that will never culminate in any answers, and I guess its value is in whatever comfort we can draw from it. It was probably my second loss and my second baby that lingered with me the most strongly: I had a nickname  for her: Turbulence, because boy, did she make her presence felt.

Gauri has that same quality. She LOVES people. Loves, loves loves them. Loves talking to them, smiling at them, playing with them, and oh, that curiosity about the world. It is the most beautiful thing to see. She started crawling rather early (6 months) and has such ambition and energy. She immediately wanted to pull up to stand, even before she could sit steadily, and figured out how two weeks later. She now yanks herself up using furniture, determinedly tries to open cupboards (the ones by her play area stick, thank god), crawls all over the place, and shows a decided interest in climbing stairs, and nibbling at my slippers, and attacking my cell phone, and oh, the object of maximum fascination, my laptop. Sigh. She has to be shadowed constantly, with a hand at the ready to catch her. I've forbidden people from grabbing her hands and encouraging her to walk towards them, because I want her to crawl as long as possible. 

We went with something called baby-led weaning (without meaning to), which skips purees totally. This kid can eats mashed-up food versions of grown-up food. She gnaws on whole pieces of fruit and eats chapattis confidently. At seven months, she now wants to self-feed. She has never gagged, to my astonishment. She lunges towards food, attacking our plate if we eat in front of her, and if she sees us eating or drinking, her mouth moves in anticipation.  The most cruel thing to do is deny her grown-up food and give her a boring bottle of formula instead. I am really, really looking forward to almost every culinary restriction being lifted when she turns one.    

In short, this child is such a force of nature. I look at her and marvel at her, and my mom tells me that all babies are like this...that curiosity, that joy. They probably are, but I've never spent real time with any other baby before, so it would be hard for me to fathom. My brothers and cousins better get cracking reproducing, so all of us get to experience this joy again. I could have never imagined that anything will light up a household like this.

I post so rarely, and I have work stuff and immigration stuff and life decision stuff to talk about too, but sigh, who wants to go there when you could be talking about babies throwing food on the floor? Nonetheless, I will say that freelance scientific editing is a good fit at this point in my life. I am slowly starting to accept more work, and I'm on the prowl for companies that will pay the most. While it is rather tempting to not work at all, I do have nest eggs to build up, in preparation for their rapid depletion for when I return to the US. Sigh. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Rushing in where angels fear to tread (my two cents on sleep training)

I am a member of a secret Facebook mommy group (the sort where you only join when a member adds you) that most consists of working Indian mothers living abroad, and a few in India as well, and some non-Indian moms as well. I cannot put my finger on why this particular group is so useful, but I think it is just the sheer density of very smart, very resourceful women on there: I've learnt many things on there, and I'm usually the one dispensing information like candy, whether people want it or not.

So, in this very,very useful and mostly positive group, I was taken aback to see a spate of articles making sleep training (specifically, CIO) sound like child abuse (there was one rather ridiculous one about a letter written by a baby undergoing sleep training, not going to share the link). Since there seemed to be almost a 50-50 split between moms who sleep-train and moms who stay far away from it, the battles were fierce, with both sides making preposterous claims about the results of both parenting styles.

Having spent a few of my initial sleepless nights aimlessly browsing what the "experts" say out of sheer curiosity (what I did in the end was totally based on instinct), I was familiar with the arguments made by both sides, and I decided to offer my own commentary on what they said, to try to offer some rational perspective that took a hard look at the arguments offered by both sides

My commentary was pretty well received and nobody came after me with pitchforks, and I figured since I spent so much time on it, it should be out here as well:
  • First, there is no such thing as a baby expert or a sleep training expert, IMO. People claim to be, but they are really just people who make stuff up as they go along, and want to produce enough talking points to fill a book. Anybody who claims they are “baby experts” are charlatans IMO. Trying to say that sleep training produces “better behaved, better-adjusted” children is part of the charlatan-speak. Finally, sleep is developmental, not behavioral: this basically means your baby’s brain needs to develop and mature till the point arrives that he/she can sleep 6+ hour stretches.
  • Why did sleep training come about? When did parenting go from an instinctive, intuitive thing that never involved ignoring your baby’s cues to a training and schedule-driven process? It did not come about as a “eureka” process to improve baby behavior. It came about to compensate for the fact that people no longer parent in an extended family. And that, the stopping of parenting in an extended family, IMO, is the true tragedy. There is now a very real need to reduce the burden of parenting, because parenting went from something the entire extended family did to something two individuals or even one individual had to deal with alone. So yes, some people need to sleep train just to keep going. 
  • The “experts” on the other side who talk about sleep training resulting in disassociated, disconnected individuals more often use parents who ignore their baby’s cues constantly as examples. I've seen articles talking about how sleep training produces disconnected children reference orphanages in Romania, which is just ridiculous. People who sleep train may practice dissociative parenting (where you do not respond to your baby’s cues) only at bedtime. The rest of the time, most sleep-training parents here WILL respond to their child’s cues, and the children do come to trust their parents and bond with them through this associative parenting
  • On the flip side, let us also talk about that new study which showed that babies were stressed (high levels of cortisol) even when they were no longer crying and had seemingly adjusted well to the sleep training. This is a black and white, no-frills point that shows very clearly that what is going on the surface is no indicator of what is happening inside. I read that study, and I wanted to know how long that cortisol elevation lasted. Was it still there a month into sleep training? Six months? Cortisol can mess with neuronal growth, so this finding is not good. However, what is the true impact of this? I refuse to believe that sleep training alone can produce mal-adjusted individuals. Can seemingly well-adjusted, successful, happy individuals be mildly affected by periods of stress during their babyhood? It is possible. Can you measure how much they have been affected? No. How much more healthier would they have been if they had not been sleep trained? Would they be more trusting or have had better relationships with their parents had they not been sleep trained? No one can tell. It is not possible to measure or extrapolate. It is possible sleep training has some mild to moderate psychological effect, depending on too many factors to enumerate, including the parenting style used the rest of the time, but it is impossible to figure out. However, I find it difficult that this prolonged elevation of cortisol at sleeptime could be too deleterious. It is also important to consider the effect of a perennially stressed parent, and the effect they could have on the child if they are stretched too thin. All of life is a balance, after all  
  • Finally, to bust some myths about what may happen if you do not sleep train: one can get a baby who sleeps through the night early without sleep training. Cosleeping and responding to your babies cues does not automatically spell misery for the parent who chooses it, or result in a maladjusted, cranky, child who cannot sleep at all. I cosleep with Gauri and respond to all her cues. She usually sleeps through the night (at 5-6 months of age). She does not spend all night kicking me (saw this a lot  in the case against cosleeping). She chooses her own schedule (no matter what I tried, she goes to sleep around 11:30 and wakes up at around 10 now, with an awakening at around 7:30 am for a feed). Rocking her to sleep is a waste of my time. After a bath+massage, I tuck myself in bed with her and just wait for the point that her own brain signals that it is time to sleep (usually 11:30 pm). We actually have some fun interacting in this time, where she crawls around, babbles at me, wails occasionally, wants to play, etc. It is not purgatory for me, and I do not begrudge her the time I have to spend doing it. Importantly, I know that the method I use to get her to sleep will keep evolving as she grows older, because she is also evolving. Finally, despite the lack of sleep training, and lack of scheduling of naps, she is not cranky during the day and naps adequately, if not at the same time every day. 
  • What I am trying to say is you can raise a happy well-adjusted child no matter what you practice. Which method you choose depends on multiple factors. Sleep training may not be suitable for high-needs babies, babies who get very upset when their needs are ignored (the ones who cry for a long time/ throw up, etc), or very young babies (sleep training a two-month old is not advised), because the risk that it can be detrimental is much higher in all these cases. IMO, it should not be chosen to improve behavior or because of the mistaken belief that it results in better-adjusted children, but it can be used safely in many cases when parental exhaustion is a problem, and many children may be fine with it.
I hope this is actually useful to somebody, and does not put anybody's back up. I cosleep and attachment parent, and the results are amazing for me, but I am also lucky in that I have a child whose brain maturation vis a vis sleep has been seemingly rapid. Even if this was not so, I am also lucky in that I would have had help if she continued to keep waking up at night.  Nonetheless, a very important take-home point I want to drive home is that every child will differ in when they acquire the ability to sleep through the night and self soothe, and that cannot be rushed, whether you wait it out or cry it out


Thursday, October 9, 2014

The goat milk formula recipe

As many of you know,  Gauri was born via surrogacy and hence did not have access to breast milk (see my post on why I decided against induced lactation).

Much before her birth, I started researching my formula choices, and was soon struck dumb at the awful, awful choices the infant formula industry has made (see here  and here as to why). So after much research, I decided to go with a homemade goat milk formula, to avoid the unnecessary additives, get a healthy source of sugar (lactose) and fats (extra virgin coconut oil), and go with the animal milk source that is kindest to the gut and is the most easily digested (this turns out to be goat milk). See herehere, and here  to understand the advantages goat milk presents over cow milk, especially cow milk the way it is produced today (homogenized, ultra pasteurized, growth hormone riddled, from non-grass fed cows, etc). This post is to clarify the formula I have used, and explain the reasoning behind its formulation.

I should add, immediately after birth, my baby was put on a cow milk formula, as per hospital rules. She  did fairly well on this formula, but was splotchy (red splotches on her face and body, and interestingly, her upper lip would be very bright red when she was drinking), was mildly constipated, and had a diaper rash. All three issues disappeared after she was switched to this formula, suggesting that she was mildly intolerant towards cow milk protein, and her growth has been nothing short of phenomenal.  

per 8 oz
per 32 oz
Goat milk powder (scoops) (Myenberg whole goat milk powder)
Organic Lactose (teaspoons; tsp) (NOW foods)
Organic Unrefined Safflower oil (tsp) (Eden Organics)
Organic Extra Virgin Coconut oil (tsp)  (Artisana)
Organic Unsulphered Blackstrap molasses (Tsp) (different amounts are for 0-3 mo, 3-6 mo,  6-9 mo, and 9-12 mo). 


Additives (amount given per day, added to 32 oz formula for convenience; exception, probiotic)
Probiotic Lactobacillus reuteri (BioGaia Protectis or Gerber Soothe Colic Drops)
 5 drops --- add directly before feeding.
Baby's DHA (Nordic Naturals)
see package insert 
Vitamin D (Carlson's or Super D drops)
1 drop (400 IU) 
Acerola Cherry Extract to supply vitamin C (Madre Labs)
0-125-0.250 tsp

Vitamin B-12 (methycobalamin; Douglas Labs)
2 drops (2 mcg)

  • This formula base is very similar to the one provided by Joe Stout at Mt. Capra (major, major credit for coming up with it), but differs with the supplements used (the BioGaia probiotic, which is nothing short of miraculous in many cases, and has been extensively studied and tested in infants and children), and DHA, which is supplied by breast milk. I use a natural fish cold liver oil source that has been tested for PCBs and heavy metals, and since less is usually more, I use half the amount the company (Nordic Naturals) recommends. This addition is not required if you are doing a combination of breast feeding and formula feeding.
  • Another important difference is that I have not used the multivitamin in the Mt. Capra formula, because I dislike the formulation due to the use of preservatives such as sodium benzoate in a formulation containing vitamin C (together, they form benzene, which is carcinogenic), and generally prefer natural food-derived vitamins to their synthetically produced counterparts.
  • Lactose intolerance is extremely rare during infancy, and often, intolerance to cow milk protein is confused as lactose intolerance, resulting in the turning to other less healthy sugar sources in formula such as maltodextrin or rice syrup or corn solids. While the Mt. Capra formula suggests many alternatives (including lactose) for the sugar, I cannot endorse the the use of brown rice syrup (which raises arsenic contamination concerns) or turbinado sugar, and strongly recommend that only lactose be used, given its many health-promoting effects (improves iron absorption, helps in the setup of a healthy gut flora, which is truly crucial).
  • Goat milk is significantly low in folic acid and Vitamin B-12. Myenberg Goat milk is already folate fortified. I have added Vitamin B-12 back in the formula, as methylcobalamin, for cyanocobalamin. Note that while the Vitamin B-12 RDA is 0.5 mcg/day, I am adding back 2 mcg/day, as I discovered that sticking with the RDA left my baby with low levels (this is why I strongly emphasize a blood test).
  • The formula takes into account that other B vitamins, nucleotides, etc. are supplied via goat milk. While the stability of nucleotides following heat processing is unknown, B-vitamins are unlikely to be very affected by pasteurization (exceptions, Vitamin B-2; source http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22054181). B Vitamins are also supplied via blackstrap molasses.
  • Vitamin D is partially supplied via the goat milk (it is vitamin D-fortified), but if your baby does not get sun on a daily basis, this may be insufficient. The amount of vitamin D required to avoid deficiency is very unclear as well as controversial, and many sources suggest that 400 IU/day may be insufficient. I hence add an additional 400-800 IU/day, and I plan to test blood levels at the one-year point and adjust accordingly.
  • Vitamin E is low in goat milk, but its requirements are partially fulfilled via the Vitamin D drops (20% of the RDA per drop).
  • Vitamin A requirements are met via goat milk (fairly decent source) as well as the cod liver oil (Nordic Naturals DHA). Hence, supplementing this formula with a multi-vitamin may result in the exceeding of the Vitamin A RDA.
  • Vitamin C is low in goat milk; hence the inclusion of a small amount of Acerola cherry extract. This also facilitates the absorption of the iron supplied via blackstrap molasses. Note that Vitamin C is heat labile (destroyed over 70°C), so make sure to cool the water sufficiently before adding, and make sure not to overheat bottles during warming.
  • Iron requirements: The 3 different concentrations for the blackstrap molasses ingredient are based on diffing iron requirements for different ages. Goat milk is far better at facilitatingiron absorption than cow milk, but is most likely inferior to breast milk (has not been studied).The three different formula recipes for different ages differ only in the amount of blackstrap molasses. Now, blackstrap molasses supplies 3.5 mg iron per tablespoon (15 mL), so the formula is designed to deliver 0.58 mg iron per day between 3-6 months, and 1.166 mg per day between 6-9 months, and 2.33 mg/day from 9 months onwards.  The remainder of iron requirements should be made up via solids or supplements. A fingerprick for hemoglobin testing at 9 months is recommended. If the formula is used between birth and three months, no blackstrap molasses is added.
  • I STRONGLY recommend a blood test for Vitamin D, vitamin B-12, and iron at 9 months - 1 year, and adjusting the levels accordingly, if required. You can ask for this at the routine well baby check that is recommended around the one-year mark.
  • If you wish to supplement with a multivitamin (I do not like multivitamin formulations, see the first bullet point), then the only additives should be DHA and the BioGaia probiotic.
  • After 1 year, full strength goat milk may be given with no additions of lactose and safflower oil, but I recommend continuing with a small amount of the coconut oil (0.5 tsp per day), the probiotic, DHA, and Vitamin D. Other vitamins can be acquired via a healthy and balanced diet. 

 How to make the formula:
  • Requirements: 1 Pyrex 32-oz measuring cup (this fits in the Phillips Avent sterilizer), one set of steel measuring spoons, 1 long spoon or electric whisk, bottles (I recommend the PURA KIKI stainless steel ones)
  • Sterilize all bottles, cutlery, whisks, and measuring spoons, and  boil reverse-osmosis filtered water (or whatever water of your choice) using an electric kettle (do this many hours before preparation, so it cools enough).
  • Add the goat milk powder and lactose. Add 30 mL of warm to hot water, and make a  smooth paste (add as much more water as required to do so). Then add the oils and other ingredients, mix into the paste.  and keep mixing till the paste is smooth and all ingredients are smoothly assimilated in it.  Then make it up to 32 oz while adding the water and stirring continuously, and distribute into bottles that are stored at 4°C.
  • Bottles stored in the fridge should be used within 48 hours.  
Disclaimer: Breast milk is truly the best nutrition for the baby for as long as possible. If you wish to use this formula, I recommend that you do so only after a consultation with your pediatrician. Note that infants allergic to cow milk may also be allergic to goat milk, though many tolerate it well. Anphylaxis in response to milk proteins is extremely rare, but can occur.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Six months!

There are some time periods during a baby’s development that have been termed wonder weeks, because that is when giant leaps in development occur. It seems like Gauri’s fifth month has been one continuous wonder week, all in all.

Around the start of this month, her previously erratic sleep patterns started gaining some regularity: she usually falls asleep at 11:30 pm (no, it is not possible to put her to bed earlier: she wakes up every 3 hours if we try this at 9 pm) and wakes up at 7:30 am. I went, YAY.  Before, if she would wake up by herself at say, 4:30 am she would usually need to feed to settle back to sleep….now she wakes up and often puts herself back to sleep, if she does not wake up all the way. YAYYYY! 

This kid (and interestingly, some of her half siblings too) hate being carried on laps, but still she would normally go to sleep after drinking a bottle on my lap. So my jaw dropped the first time she rolled herself off my lap and went to sleep by herself on the bed! She has been doing that intermittently since….serious leaps in independence!   

This child is also super social. She loves people, and cannot get enough of them. She smiles. She squeals. She converses. She is also sensitive. One day, my grandpa’s physiotherapist was home and started talking to her. This girl smiled and babbled. Then the physiotherapist said bye and went away to work with my granddad, and her face fell, the chin started quivering, and she burst into tears. Two days ago, my mother was mock scolding her…this baby got that the inflection of her voice was “scoldy” and that chin quiver began and she was wailing a minute later. The sensitive aspect to her personality (especially during social interactions) makes me a little worried, because there are so many ways that a young child can be hurt.  As her mother, I want to protect her from it all, but that is simply impossible. I guess life is all about building armor, and I just have to make sure she gets the right tools. To that end, being in India drives me nuts in so many ways, but it is wonderful for her. The entire family as well as the extended family dotes on her, and a child like this thrives on affection, and needs a ton of human interaction to keep her from being bored.

She has also had her first vacation, complete with adventures such as the warming up of bottles in moving cars: Thank you Pura Kiki, for coming up with a wonderfully designed, easily warmable bottle--- all you need is refrigerated mixed up formula, an icebox, some really hot water and a cup, and you can be on the road for 6 hours. So, thus armed, we really pushed this poor child’s boundaries. We woke up and hit the road at the crack of dawn, and then we stayed out a good part of the day, and she was surrounded by people who just wanted to talk to her all day, and of course she talked and played and had naps interrupted every time the car stopped and we got out. We did this two days, and on the second day, she was cheerful and happy all day, and at night came Armageddon. She got a rest yesterday and today we are back home now after 4 hours on the road, but it may take a while for her system to forgive us.

She is also in a major hurry to get past babyhood, it seems. She is standing with assistance and manages to wriggle/roll/drag herself all over the bed, but cannot crawl yet or sit up without assistance for long periods, which makes her really mad. Once she crawls and can sit up, my job becomes easier and harder. Currently her lack of total mobility is a source of great frustration for her, and the only way I can alleviate said frustration is by singing to her. I’m so totally her trained monkey. She is very selective about which songs she likes, and gets mad at me if I change the lyrics, so I have faithfully sung the Do Re Mi song only about 15 times a day every day for the past 2 months.  Joy.

In the past week, there has been a massive leap in her verbal skills. She is now “talking” in that she is saying the same sounds, one of which that sounds like a recognizable word  around 10 times a day…interestingly that one is “amma,” which is the tamil word for mom.

Never a dull moment with this child!

Friday, August 29, 2014

Theranos (fertility testing for 35$?!)

I will always remember the day when my third missed miscarriage was discovered. My awesome friend M had come down from Philadelphia to NYC just to hold my hand through it. Soon after I started talking to her, I started crying while in the waiting room. I do not know if it was the memory of past trauma or intuition, but I was literally a blubbering mess while waiting for them to get me into ultrasound. When the loss was discovered, nothing really changed, because it felt like a part of me already knew I had lost that pregnancy even before I got confirmation. I was then completely numb.

That was probably a good thing, because after that was done, they hustled me into a chair to get blood for the recurrent pregnancy loss panel. Usually, phlebotomists can stick me on the first try. On that day, it took them many tries, and each try was one that would have caused me no amount of distress on a regular day. It was the worst blood draw of my life, and I was luckily (or unluckily) too tuned out to care. They took 21 vials of blood, all which were sent off to different laboratories.

Why am I recounting all this? Because blood draws can be painful. They take too much blood, mostly because all tests are not run by the same center. The response time is slow. There can be laboratory-to-laboratory variation. The amount charged is insane.

Had that RPL panel not been covered by insurance, it would have cost me thousands of dollars.

The key to changing the face of medicine is faster and more affordable diagnostic tests. People talk about this constantly, but nobody does anything about it.

A few weeks ago, somebody "liked" a post by A Mighty Girl. I aimlessly clicked on it, and was soon electrified.

Elizabeth Holmes dropped out of Stanford to start a blood diagnostics company that would literally change the face of how things were done.

Asked why she wanted to start this company when she had not even finished college, she replied:

"Because systems like this could completely revolutionize how effective health care is delivered. And this is what I want to do. I don’t want to make an incremental change in some technology in my life. I want to create a whole new technology, and one that is aimed at helping humanity at all levels regardless of geography or ethnicity or age or gender."

Theranos has grown in leaps and bounds in the past 10 years. 

If this very gritty woman keeps forging on, she could very well accomplish what she set out to accomplish. 

How does this system work? Basically, many blood tests can be performed off just a few drops of blood, taken via a fingerprick.

The analysis involves microfluidics, and this company is paranoid about guarding their technology, so nobody knows how it works. Nonetheless, it delivers results rapidly, and their integrated approach allows them to keep adding tests that can be run off their platform, and it is cheap.

The normal fertility panel costs maybe around 2000$. If you use Theranos, you could test FSH for $12.77, LH for $12.73, TSH for $11.55, Progesterone for $14.34, and so on. See here for a list of the Theranos tests. In an intereview in Wired magazine, she stated that her fertility panel would cost $35(!!!!!!!!!).

Where is this available? Theranos has partnered with Walgreens, apparently, and they have planned a nationwide rollout. Currently this may be available to you at Walgreens stores in California and Arizona.

I thought this was amazing. If it takes off, the amount of money that could be saved in the US is mindboggling, and people would be more willing to get tested for little things like iron or vitamin D or Vitamin B-12, which could go some way in optimizing their own health. So here is hoping that this woman keeps forging on, and doing my very small bit to help spread the word.

For more information, go to the writeups in Fortune or Wired, or visit Theranos's website.

Random information aside, I also know that a few of you only stop by to find out how Gauri and I are doing, so here goes: Gauri is such a happy child...she has a smile and laugh for everybody. She now turns over easily and wriggles forward. She babbles up a storm, observes everything, and gets seriously pissed off if you make her lie on your lap like a regular baby. She needs to be sitting up or standing, dammit, because she is a big girl now. She is a total drama queen too...major crocodile tears that abruptly dry up when you do what she wants you to do. She  has discovered the joys of hair pulling: she yanks my hair around, and I feel like a horse being guided around by the reins. Her favorite thing is grabbing people by the hair and yanking them forward so she can slobber and gnaw on their cheeks/necks.  

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Unpredictability (updated)

That seems to be the general theme now.  My grandpa is in very bad shape: multiple strokes, deafness, etc have left him as a mere shadow of the dynamic and independent person he used to be. He is unbelievably frail, and yet has chugged along in this state for years now. My grandmother, a fiercely independent woman used to insist on taking care of him by herself, generally enjoys excellent health. We eventually persuaded her to move to Mumbai (a city she understandably dislikes, as it is so much less comfortable than Bangalore) by dangling the carrot of a great grandaughter. It worked. They have this beautiful bond: Gauri adores her, and she in turn lights up when she sees Gauri. My mom has always said how reserved her mother is, and yet this woman turns to mush when she sees my baby. I think the time Gauri spends with her on a daily basis has really helped my child too.

Last week, my grandma had two heart attacks. It came out of nowhere as these things always do, and I shudder to think how everything would have gone down had she still insisted on living by herself far away in another city. She is only here because Gauri is here, and that is a rather thought-provoking thing. She is doing okay after an emergency angioplasty with two stents in, but the precariousness of the situation has hit home hard. In all this, it was always my grandpa's health that worried people, and this happens to my grandma.

There was such an air of unreality around the whole thing, and still is. Thankfully, my mother is a rock in such situations, which really helps calm the rest of us down.

My grandma should come home in a few days, and hopefully, all will be well. Gauri is also contributing to the general unpredictability. It seems like she has five different sleeping patterns, and she keeps switching them around to keep me guessing. I'm philosophically opposed to imposing a strict schedule for how she should be spending her days and nights, lack the discipline to do it even if I were so inclined (I think), and also have an incredibly stubborn child who sleeps when she wants to sleep, wakes up when she wants to wake up, and eats when she wants to eat. There were an entire roomful of people determinedly trying to wake her up during her naming ceremony: this child determinedly slept through their efforts and woke up with a bright smile once they all left.  So, imposing a strict schedule to generate predictability as is the popular trend seems to be pretty much a non-starter here.

The one thing I CAN and want to control via schedule is when to give her a massage (my mom's contribution mostly), followed by a bath. These two (especially the massage) really seem to help her sleep. On her best nights, she nods off within an hour of her nightime bath, and wakes up at 6-7 am (!!!!). On other nights, she takes 2-3 hours to sleep, but sleeps till 7 am. Then there are in between nights where she wakes up every 3-4 hours and goes quickly back to sleep.  Slightly worse are the nights where she sleeps quickly but she wakes up every 1-2 hours. The worst nights are when she seems to incorporate Nessum Dorma as her personal motto and keeps me up till 3 am. Sometimes even 5 am. I never know which pattern it will be. I do know if I skip the bath and she has not stayed up all day, I'm likely dead meat.

Another challenge with this baby is boredom. All of us talk to her, and we have long rollicking sing-song conversations. Then there is her gym (somebody gave me this one as a gift and she loves it; should I also buy this one to keep it mixed up? Is the kick and play piano gym better? She also loves to be borne around being shown the ceiling fan (her great friend) in different rooms (rolling eyes).  With all this, this kid still is bored occasionally and tries to screech the house down when we stop playing with her and set her down. It is raining cats and dogs continuously, so I can't take her out till this deluge ends. It is time to introduce touch-and-feel books. Anybody have any recommendations?

Any ideas on books and other ways to keep her entertained would be very welcome.

Updated based on comments: Thank you all for the recommendations! I researched exersaucers, and the one thing I found is that they have a shorter usage window if you have a tall baby.  Gauri has gone from the 25th percentile at birth for height to the 80th percentile by 3 months of age, and she is probably passed the 90th by now, so I think she would have only a short time with it. I hence decided to go with an activity table: I picked this one...you can remove its legs and put it on the floor, so she could use it unsupervised as soon as she can sit up unaided, which should not be too far away. I also got the kick and play piano gym, and I'm trying to restrain myself so as to not also buy the rainforest deluxe one.  

Saturday, July 26, 2014


Gauri is 3.5 months old! I want to describe how wonderful these past months have been, but I cannot do it justice. Even when it is not all unicorns and rainbows (like the nights where she decides that sleep is totally overrated and wants to stay up squealing/eating/pooping/
squealing/pooping/eating for 4-6 hours at a stretch), I find myself laughing at her in between the bouts of begging her to go to sleep, trying everything to get her to sleep and failing, flopping down in exhaustion besides her, only to have her eventually get tired of playing by herself, and wail me awake: I had a wonderful audiofile that I recorded at 1:30 am that blogger unfortunately does not let me upload...its is all her concentrated vocal effort to  make me "play" with her, complete with squeals and exasperated "eehhs." I have not been around many babies, so I know not what they do, but I'm rather astonished at her emotional range and how she manages to convey it despite her rather limited vocal range.

But...anyway, occasionally sleeplessness aside, I'm loving it all. First thing, what people frequently observe about goat milk (that it supports robust growth) may be true: Don't know how this kid would have done on a breast milk diet, but as of now, she is literally shooting up and filling out too. I can see her grow in length from day to day...that bit is obviously influenced by genetics too, though and she does have a few very tall sisters. Overall though, I feel as wondrous as Jack after he planted his magic beans sometimes. Btw, if any of you do like to track growth on charts with a quick pictoral readout, this app is a really cool resource: Baby Care, by Breet Jia 

She is in such a hurry to do everything, talk to everything, and eat everything: that enthusiasm is wonderful to watch, but I better start thinking about childproofing soon: Anger gives this child superpowers. When she is mad about something, she can move backwards across the length of kingsize bed in minutes, by just digging in her heels to propel herself backward. She is also making progress with torso strength...she can manage around 70% of a rollover when laid on her back, and she is seriously determined to manage the remaining 30%, though she has no clue what to do with her arm. Update: my mom told me she managed the back to stomach rollover. And I missed it!

I keep coming up with random bizarre nicknames for her: the latest is a scientific name: Goondius gauricus (Goondius  from "goonda," which translates loosely to thug or gangster (she does boss us all around like crazy) and gauricus from Gauri).

If Morgan Freeman were providing commentary for this particular wildlife film, this is what I would feed the teleprompter: Goondius gauricus is a unique and wondrous creature. It kicks like a mule, chomps down like a shark, and has the appetite of a barracuda. It is generally a very, very happy creature that gives ear-splitting smiles and loves to babble. It likes to admire its gorgeous self in the mirror. It has a supersense of when it will be set down on a cold boring bed and readies itself in violent protest to avoid this. It has recently discovered the joys of grabbing and yanking hair and gnawing on plump cheeks (mama is sadly lacking in this regard, but grandmama is proving to be an acceptable chew toy). It has the stubbornness of a mule and shows signs of  very much knowing its own mind. Yet, it also smiles shyly in its sleep when you bend down and whisper "goonda" to it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Indecision 2014: TTC #2??

Major decisions need to be made, and I am just paralyzed.  As anybody who has managed to trudge through those  ginormous reviews that I wrote is aware, I had 4 embryos and 2 vials of sperm left over, and Dr. Malpani refused to transfer them and tried to charge me fees for then continuing to store them after I had expressly told him that I wanted them OUT of his storage facility. Sigh. I could have tried to force him via legal means to release my property to me, and while that would have been immensely satisfying on a few levels, we simply could not trust that whatever had been in his keeping would have been handled ethically, so thought it best to let it all go. Four embryos. A maybe baby. That was a very tough one, as you all could imagine. I just have to keep telling myself that if a life is fated to be, then it will be, otherwise there will be roadblock after roadblock.

But now, if I want to have a second baby, I would have to get fresh vials from the US (which would cost me a pretty penny), do an IVF pronto (because my eggs were already this screwed up in my early 30s), and freeze the embryos. In all this rampant indecision, I know one thing for sure...I do not want baby #2 for atleast 3-4 years, because as soon as G is old enough, I have to move back to the US and try to get back to research and the life I knew, because god knows I miss it all. Currently I quit my fulltime job with the company I was with, and am just working as a freelance lifesciences editor from home. It has the potential to be pay very well, but I think  getting dressed, going out, seeing people, and doing my own research is rather important to my own sanity in the longterm.

The thought of another IVF frankly makes me want to whimper, and the worst part is I am not even sure I want another baby: I have a ton of help in taking care of Gauri, and yet, an utter joy as it is, the lack of sleep and sitting for hours with her on a soft bed are telling on me. I have serious back and neck issues, and I'm on the slow downward slide to a really bad condition called "chronic regional pain syndrome," or CRPS.  Thankfully I'm with the one pain management specialist in the world who understands this well enough to fix it immediately. If I was not, I shudder to think how I would be doing. Bringing up a second child a few years in the future would only be harder (my body would be creakier, the people who help me now would be older and would find it more difficult as well), notwithstanding all the unique challenges that single moms face. Yet a part of me strongly does not want Gauri to be an only child. Later on, if that part of me holds sway, I don't want to be stymied by the state of my eggs at that later date, which means I have to do that IVF now.

Right now, I'm taking it one day at a time, because I'm not yet ready to take any action in this area. Pulling the covers over my head has never felt so very good.

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