Thursday, November 25, 2010

8w6d ultrasound: no heartbeat

Its pretty much my biggest nightmare come to life. We found at this ultrasound (8w6d) that though the baby had grown (4 days worth of growth in 5 days), that the heartbeat had inexplicably just stopped. It probably happened yesterday. I will go for an ultrasound to radiology to confirm, but a no hearbeat is pretty conclusive.

Given the pattern, its probably what happened with my first pregnancy too, and probably around the same timeframe as well. What this means I do not know. When we do the chromosomal analysis again, think there is a fair bet that this one will come back with a 'normal' karyotype too.

I'll have to switch donors for my next try, because everything is screaming genetics at this point.  Its a possibility ( though definitely not confrmable) that me and the donor are genetically incompatible in some bizarre way.

I'm dealing with this as well as one can in the the circumstances- lots of crying involved, but you realize how tough you are when you realize you are already planning the next round in your head, and that you are willing to be knocked down again and again in the hope that one day you produce one healthy child.

Either my dad will fly down here or I go to India to be with my family for the D&C. We can do this if they can analyze products of conception there by karyotype as well.

I'm utterly thankful for my parents now- they are here for me, no questions asked and can take care of me better than anybody else can.

Not sure what else there is to be thankful for though.

35 comments:

  1. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I am heartbroken for you. You are amazing and I agree that switching donors is a good plan. Oh gee-I know mom and dad will take good care of you.

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  2. Jay - I'm so terribly sorry. I saw the title and immediately said outloud "no no no!." goddammit. Its good that you're going to be with your family. Take care of yourself and let them take care of you. Ugh. You ARE tough, chicka, and at least there's hope for trying again. My heart goes out to you - sending you all the prayers and love I can muster. Hang in.

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  3. No, no, no.. Jay, I am so sorry. I am crying with you. I don't want this to happen to you.
    This is not fair.

    I am here for you. If you have any questions about genetics, please email me.

    Hugs, lots of hugs..

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  4. So very, very sorry to hear this. First Mo, now you. My heart breaks for you. So glad that your family can be there for you.

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  5. Oh Jay... I am so sorry. I saw your blog title and said 'Noooo' out loud. I am sharing in your tears right now and wish I could give you a hug so tight... I'm just so sad for you... I wish I had better words to share.

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  6. Dear Jay -
    I'm so sorry. The title brought me to tears. I know that your family will take good care of you. I'm just so very, very sorry.

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  7. God, no! I am so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you & what the next days & weeks hold for you. I'm glad you'll be with your family. I am just so sorry you have to go through this again.

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  8. I am so very sad to read this news. The worst part is the "inexplicably". I can't understand why this would happen. Lean on your family and take care of you.

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  9. I am very sorry to hear this news. I have just started to follow you. Best of luck to you. Let your family take good care of you.

    Dee

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  10. Oh honey... I am SO SO sorry. There are no words. I'm here for you!

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  11. On no! I am so sorry. I, like so many others, started to cry when I saw the title of your post. I was so hoping that this one would take. I'm glad that you'll at least be able to be with your family and they'll be able to help you through this. And that you're not giving up and already making plans for the next try. Here's hoping that the third time is the charm.

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  12. Jay, I am SO sorry! Words can not even express how helpless I feel to be able to help. I am glad that your parents will be with you. You are strong. I think I'd be curled up in a ball somewhere. Take care of yourself and let your family care for you also.

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  13. Jay, I'm so sad for you. Your blog title made my heart stop. I was hoping that I misinterpreting the title, but when I read your posting, I was crushed for you. You are so amazing...to be dealing with such devastating news and yet you refuse to give up. I"m glad to hear that your family is there for you.

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  14. I am so so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

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  15. I am so sad to read this. I'm so sorry, J.

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  16. I am truly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you now and in the days ahead.

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  17. Oh God, Jay, this is unbelievable. I'm so very sorry. So much sadness going around these days. I really don't know what to say. But I'm glad you have your family and that you are able to go on and think about the future. You're amazingly strong.

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  18. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say except that I'm thinking of you and sending supportive thoughts.

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  19. I am so sorry to see your news. I had a miscarriage back in August but cannot imagine the pain of having another one. My thoughts and prayers are with you this Thanksgiving.

    Jeri
    ICLW

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  20. I am so sorry for you loss.....

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  21. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  22. oh no. no frickin way. there aren't words sufficient to convey my sorrow.

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  23. I am so sorry, Jay. My thoughts are with you!

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  24. I'm sitting here with my mouth wide open in shock and disbelief. I'm am so terribly sorry. Oh, how I wish there was something we could do to make this right again.
    I'm am glad to know you are surrounded by your supportive family right now. Sending you prayers of comfort and the biggest hug.

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  25. Here from LFCA. I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you!

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  26. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

    LFCA

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  27. I am sorry. I have been down this road too and know how it hurts.

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  28. Oh Jay, I am so, so sorry to read this news. I really thought this would be it for you. My heart and my thoughts are with you.

    Mo

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  29. I'm so very sorry for you loss - this is horrible. My thoughts are with you.

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  30. Hi Jay
    I got your posts over at my blog and then came to visit you - I read your whole blog last night, we have a lot in common (sorry to say).
    I'm even sorrier that it looks as though have recently had an experience like mine. I wish you the best and am so happy that you have a loving and supportive family to go to for support.
    I will be thinking of you during this time, and when you are feeling up to it would love to chat and be able to exchange ideas and thoughts and perhaps help each other navigate this maze.

    For what its worth I am also an 'organaholic' I watch my foods, vitamins (I take new chapter prenatal also), cleaning products, bedding etc! I think we have a lot in common, though you articulate it so much better.

    I wish you peace my friend. x

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  31. Here from LFCA...I am so so so sorry. Thinking of you.

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  32. Oh Jay!!! Huge Hugs!!! :o( I'm so very sorry!!! I can't imagine.... My heart goes out to you. Hugs!

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