Friday, November 12, 2010

6w6d u/s

I had my ultrasound yesterday morning (preceded by a hysterical 5 minutes in tears when the nurse suggested the doctor might *not* do an ultrasound with that visit. Yeah, I was kinda on the edge, especially yesterday).

Anyway, here is Turbulence! And yes, UCSD has truly crappy u/s machines, Another reason to be waiting till the 12 week mark when I graduate to radiology with their fancier equipment.

The doctor tried measuring the heartbeat, but the machine did not allow it so he 'eyeballed' it to be around 130 bpm, up from 108. She has grown too, and has almost caught up to gestational age (6w6d).

And finally, there is the yolk sac, so utterly clear even on the poor resolution machine. I think any way you went in, with whatever machine, its just too bright to miss, so this is truly different from the last time. What the implications are I cannot guess.

I've been very guarded about this pregnancy, almost refusing to believe that this may be real and just adopting a wait and watch attitude, because everything was ALMOST this good with the last pregnancy. The doctors were just utterly confident that all would be well, nobody could conceive that anything could happen to a pregnancy that started out that strongly.

But this ultrasound has given me some real hope, because of many things, the quick catch up in the growth, the difference in the yolk sac appearance.  I'm now guardedly optimistic, which feels nice.

After my loss, I've tried to prepare for the worst case scenarios by never ever discounting that they might come about, but what is the point in that attitude? With my last pregnancy, until they showed beyond a doubt that my baby was dead, I had felt very little fear or apprehension, those 2.5 months preceding that awful moment were really happy. Even if fate kicked me in the teeth, I was really thankful to have had those days.

Now, its very nice to feel some hint of what I felt then, again. Joy should be snatched up wherever you find it, because god knows what will happen tomorrow.

Please keep Mo in your thoughts. She should have been posting her u/s picture too, the unfairness of life is mind boggling.


  1. It sucks that we'll never be able to experience a pregnancy again without apprehension, caution and some fear. But you're right, those first days of the first pregnancy were truly wonderful and something to be thankful for!

    Yay for growth catchup and an increasing heartbeat! :)

  2. Beautiful ultrasound and excellent heartbeat..

  3. I'm so happy for you! I hope that you find your way to experiencing joy without the apprehension with each passing week.

  4. @ Jendo...hope you are still reading because I wanted to ask- did you intentionally disable comments on your blog? I have wanted to comment so many times!

  5. Ignorance is bliss - and once you know something tragic, you can never un-know it. I agree with you - I try to hold on to whatever happiness comes my way, even if it has to end. Glad things are going well.. continuing to keep you in my prayers and wishing you as much sticky baby dust as you can handle :)

  6. following and hoping for the best for you. good for you. I wish you and your lovely yolk sac the best!

  7. Congrats!! Wish you all the best. My 6w6d ultrasound is on Monday and am scared to shit abt it. So can totally relate to the tears when you were told that there will not be an ultrasound!

    Here from LFCA but looking forward to following your journey.

  8. Hello Turbulence!! So SO happy you had such a great 6 week u/s! Here's to a happy, picture perfect pregnancy :)

  9. Beautiful ultrasound! Congratulations! I think it's hard *not* to be afraid that you'll find yourself in the same place as last time ... in fact, I think it's hard to believe that this is real until you're holding a live baby in your hands. But I'm holding you in my thoughts, and hoping for a safe, full term, beautiful birth and a healthy baby.

  10. Great U/S & heartbeat...I'm the last person to try & tell you not to worry, so I won't but try to keep it in perspective, that's what has helped me.