Sunday, July 21, 2013

On the discriminatory uterus

I'm (or rather my surrogate is) now 5 days into the 2-week wait, which technically should be the 9-day wait, considering that we transferred 5-day-old embryos. It all now comes down the embryo versus the uterus. A lot of REs just brush aside  the uterus in this process, choosing to believe that implantation and events beyond lie depend on embryo quality. But its a pas de deux, with the outcome depending on both playersYou could have a hostile uterus that could impede implantation. Or you could have an overly friendly uterus that implants any and all comers, like mine. There is now a whole school of thought supporting that it is the latter that is often responsible for recurrent pregnancy loss. I don't have issues believing this; I've noticed that there is a subset within the RPL group who get pregnant extremely easily, at a rate far above the 20% average per cycle.  I think the only thing perplexing me is that there are many people who do not have an issue with recurrent miscarriage, but get pregnant just as easily. One could argue that the difference is that the RPL folks are also more prone to aneuploidy,which may be the key.

So what the sensible part of me is hoping for, is that my surrogate's uterus is the discriminatory kind, is such a thing indeed exists. The part of me that is all about instant gratification just wants a BFP, and will worry about the next step later. I've both been grateful, and sorry for the fact that my aneuploid embryos implanted in me. I'm grateful because although these were traumatic experiences, they strengthened and changed me in the way that 3 BFNs would never have been able to. They made me pursue avenues of investigation that I think improved my overall health and well being (thanks to supplementation). I look at photos of myself before I started, and myself now, and know I look much better than I did when I was 30; Vitamin D improved my skin and I put on a few badly needed pounds after taking it. I'm sick less often; infections that get everybody around me pass me by.  Myo-inositol has made my skin look better, and it (along with vitamin D) are supplements I plan to be on for the rest of my life, irrespective of whether I am trying for a baby or not.

But I've also paid for it;  had I had only BFNs and not miscarriages, I would not be a woman with a past. If I meet somebody now (like the guy I *almost* got engaged to), I'm obliged to tell them about my losses because I have had 3 so far and its something that they should know if they are planning to have babies with me down the line. Unfortunately, such news is a deal breaker in many instances, especially if the person is just getting to know you. But springing it on them later is also inherently risky, so its a catch-22 situation.

Nonetheless, I may not have a discriminatory uterus, and this has changed my life forever, both for the better and for the worse. Here is hoping my surrogate has one...

I have 8 blasties, 2 of which are now in the running to possibly become the focal point(s) of my existence. Despite the pretty decent looking odds, I'm not optimistic. Hopeful yes, but not optimistic. But I'm really glad that hope is around. Poor girl (don't know why everybody decides she is female), she gets crushed so often, but keeps rising up after. Here is to her!


  1. I've often thought my uterus was less than discriminatory as well. We've never gotten pregnant on our own, although since we have severe MFI, that's to be expected. However, out of five embryo transfers, I've gotten pregnant four times. Which is WAY awesome, except I've lost three of those pregnancies early on (#4 is still undecided). It's like my ute wholeheartedly embraces each and every embryo it meets, instead of waiting for "the one." Now that I think about it, my uterus is kind of slutty. :-)

    Here's hoping your surrogate has better luck. Sending love and hugs.


  2. You know, that super-fertility thing is interesting. I'd noticed something like that--in a completely non-scientific way, of course!--when I was ttc the first time around. There were the women, like me, who had a hard time getting pregnant and then miscarried and there were the women who got pregnant virtually every cycle attempted and miscarried. The latter group got their take-home baby faster than I did...with more losses. Interesting phenomenon...

  3. brain has been there too... I was really tempted to title this post "The slutty ute," but I restrained myself. Restraint is overrated.

    I really, really hope that this time is it for you!

  4. wishing the best for you and the surrogate

  5. here's hoping for a discriminating uterus from your surrogate. HOlding my breath over here. Can't imagine how you are feeling, Jay.