Update

I CAN have an IUI today. Its scheduled for 2:30 in the afternoon, I went in this morning to draw blood for E2 and LH, and to take a quick look-see at my uterus. My stats look practically identical to the last time where I TTCed where I 'felt' I'd barely had much of an estrogen  peak- 17 mm dominant follicle, and a "nice, thick" lining of 8.5. I groaned when the doctor told me that, he was completely taken aback-- but it scares me that it looks like the last time. Which is not rational at all.  I got pregnant, with a beautiful-looking, albeit short-lived embryo that just happened to have one chromosome missing. That genetic abnormality cannot be correlated in any which way to the size of the follicle or the thickness of the lining. One could imagine a correlation to the E2 level, but that is ridiculous hand-waving at best. But as we all are well aware, fear and rationality go in completely opposite directions.

I just got a call for my blood work, and its not too illuminating since I have not had serial blood tests, and have no idea how this measures compared to my super-pretty cycles, but feel free to weigh in. From all accounts, I will ovulate at some point today.

Estradiol= 262 pg/ml (I have only one dominant follicle, on my right, so this is in normal range)
LH= 31 (Definitely in the surge. Apparently anything above 9 is considered one)

While trying to understand how this can be used to interpret egg quality, this was the most useful resource- wish I had read this earlier, I would have gone in happily for multiple tests. If I ever do this again, I'm going to monitor myself.

The one piece of good news- I'm ovulating from my right ovary. The last try came from the left. For good reason, I think the left side of my body just has more health issues- I have limb-length discrepancy, my right side is an entire inch longer than my left, which means I need to have correctional shoes (GRR).  When I did facial electrolysis years ago,  the hair on right side never grew back, but that on the left kept coming and is still there. Overall, I think the left side has crappier metabolism and is more prone to PCOS, so I'm happy its not in play here.

I had another acupuncture session. I'm taking wheatgrass pills--based on the aroma, I thank god I got those, not the juice. IUI set for this afternoon.

I've yo-yoed between feeling reassured and irrationally terrified that I'm letting history repeat itself. People keep stressing the importance of doing this with a 'positive' outlook--well screw that. Telling you that is counterproductive- you only get nervous that you are not positive enough, just adding to the stress levels. Babies have been conceived in times in incredible stress and negativity- take rape victims for example. Plus, I'm sure a lot of people at the end of an infertility slog, who are in the cycle that, unknown to them, is going to give them that take-home baby, are anything but positive and non-stressed. So if you are one of those folks, please speak up, I could use the reassurance. Any feedback on the estrogen level would be welcome as well, this is the first time I've done one of these tests.