I finally get WTF conversations with my doctors this week. Although I don't think I'll learn anything new, I'm still a little excited. I have a phone consult with the SD RE tomorrow (saving me the cost of a walk-in consult, 300 $$ for a conversation seems very wasteful to me). I have to say, Reproductive Partners Medical Group ROCKS. Their only bottom line is to help the patient and their staff is very dedicated. If anybody ever needs an RE in San Diego, go there!
The prime suspect, is of course PCOS and the only concrete thing likely to come out my conversations with the RE is WHEN I could start metformin. I'm really waiting to see if the polycystic appearance of my ovaries changes after, that will be the biggest clue as to whether this really had been the issue.
But I'm really nervous that there could be something big that we are missing, and we'll go 'eureka!' after this horror unfolds a 3rd time. But I've tried to cover every base:
Genetics: I have an appointment with a counselor next week. Hopefully by then, I have my microarray (mine and babies) back, and there will be somebody to interpret all those reams of data. My karyotyping is 'normal' but that is a pretty darned crude test, I could swear one of my X chromosomes looked shorter than the other, bu the lab pronounced it as 'apparently normal' ('apparently' being the key word here).
Thrombophilias: Factor V leiden and MTHFR are the 2 players. This is a good link on the topic. There can be 2 ways to look at this, look at homocysteine levels, or dive into the complicated and confusing genetic typing. My fasting homocysteine levels (ordered in India, the land of cheap tests, by yours truly) came back nice and low, and hence not a worry.
Autoimmunity: Would be very surprised if this had been the issue. I've also mentioned it on the 'Science of Infertility' page, but there are some fascinating links between Vitamin D deficiency and immune problems in pregnancy. Since I've got my Vitamin D3 nice and high, my immune system should be even better behaved than in the past.
I'm doing everything I possibly can, using every bit of ingenuity and cunning I possess to make sure this does not happen again. But this is a ridiculously complex system we know very little about, its easy to miss something.
But science aside, there is that other thing I believe in, predestiny, in that all souls coming into this world have a predestined path that will be followed no matter what. By this theory, if a soul is meant to be born to you, or come to you in some other way no power on earth will be able to stop it. Even if it is against all scientific odds, it will happen if its supposed to. But, oh so cruelly, if its the wrong time, or if that precious soul is not meant for you, even though everything is in your favor, it might even start but it will never finish. This obscure philosophy has been invaluable because it allowed me to accept the horrible things that have happened to me. But I pray so hard that it will not be needed in the future, I'm so tired of coping. Please, please, please god. (And I'm pretty firmly agnostic)..hah.