Welcome to ICLW! Excuse the typos- I'm typing this post from my phone.
A quick introduction- my story has to strech back to when I was 25, when I decided that if I did not meet the right guy in the next 5 years, I was going to try to have a baby by myself. To my own shock, I went ahead with this audacious plan the month I turned 30. I tried to get pregnant. I succeeded on my first try. I lost that pregnancy. I tried again two months later. I lost that too. I took a year long break and tried again, only to have the worst pregnancy/loss ever. At this point, I had severe pregnancy PTSD, and the thought of having an ultrasound to see if there was still a beating heartbeat made me sick with anxiety. I returned to my India (the country I grew up in) for the more affordable fertility treatments (including surrogacy) and the support of my family. My first IVF was an unmitigated disaster. The second (where I designed my protocol myself) resulted in about as good a response as one could hope for, and a surrogate, after rejecting 3 of my high grade day-5 blasts, got pregnant with one of them.
That pregnancy hits 26 weeks tomorrow. It took a lot of superstition squishing to get me to participate in ICLW-- the first time I signed up for this, I discovered a pregnancy loss about 2 days in. I'm trying to recite this mantra from one of my favorite books: Hope strengthens, Fear kills. Well, not literally, but you can miss out on quite a bit just because of your stupid, irrational fears. So here I am, kicking one of my superstitions in the nuts and hoping it does not reciprocate.
My blog is not just a recounting of my story...I'm a scientist and an information junkie, and I'm determined to make this experience as positive as possible by dispersing how much ever information I can. And this I have done, to the point of making your eyes glaze over. If you are so interested, the 'Science of Infertility' page summarizes a good part of it.
So welcome. Thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to reading your stories!
A quick introduction- my story has to strech back to when I was 25, when I decided that if I did not meet the right guy in the next 5 years, I was going to try to have a baby by myself. To my own shock, I went ahead with this audacious plan the month I turned 30. I tried to get pregnant. I succeeded on my first try. I lost that pregnancy. I tried again two months later. I lost that too. I took a year long break and tried again, only to have the worst pregnancy/loss ever. At this point, I had severe pregnancy PTSD, and the thought of having an ultrasound to see if there was still a beating heartbeat made me sick with anxiety. I returned to my India (the country I grew up in) for the more affordable fertility treatments (including surrogacy) and the support of my family. My first IVF was an unmitigated disaster. The second (where I designed my protocol myself) resulted in about as good a response as one could hope for, and a surrogate, after rejecting 3 of my high grade day-5 blasts, got pregnant with one of them.
That pregnancy hits 26 weeks tomorrow. It took a lot of superstition squishing to get me to participate in ICLW-- the first time I signed up for this, I discovered a pregnancy loss about 2 days in. I'm trying to recite this mantra from one of my favorite books: Hope strengthens, Fear kills. Well, not literally, but you can miss out on quite a bit just because of your stupid, irrational fears. So here I am, kicking one of my superstitions in the nuts and hoping it does not reciprocate.
My blog is not just a recounting of my story...I'm a scientist and an information junkie, and I'm determined to make this experience as positive as possible by dispersing how much ever information I can. And this I have done, to the point of making your eyes glaze over. If you are so interested, the 'Science of Infertility' page summarizes a good part of it.
So welcome. Thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to reading your stories!
Hi from ICLW. Sorry about your losses. I know only too well what that is like.
ReplyDeleteHi i had been following your blog for a while but didn't know your history. I am so sorry to hear what you had to go through.
ReplyDeletewhat is ICLW?
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW! Im so sorry to read of your losses. Way to kick the superstions aside! Wishing the the very best!
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW! I admire your gusto and courage to take matters into your own hands on multiple fronts. Life is what we make it :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you for kicking a superstition!
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW! Good for you for facing that fear head on...fear can *literally* ruin lives! Good luck with your surrogacy and I hope the remaining weeks pass quickly so you can have your healthy little bean in your arms!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a story so much as I'm just here to support the other women who are desperately trying to have a baby. I believe my journey will begin after April, when we start trying to have our final baby.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and the good news of the pregnancy via this surrogate is coming along well. I read the post before this one and must save what a wonderful blessing to have a RH- negative surrogate fit that would be safer for your baby. Great news and best wishes!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth via ICLW
Here from ICLW! Wow, what a wild story. So excited for you!
ReplyDelete