where things are at

Tomorrow marks the 12-week point, which is when the surrogate goes to the OB as per this package I've signed up for.I checked out the OB online; it looks like regular patients score the doctor herself, while surrogates are seen by assistants, unless there is something irregular.

Le sigh. I'm so not loving the prenatal deal that came with the surrogacy package, but I'm learning to work around it without a blood vessel in my brain popping. When this is over, I'll be providing a full picture of surrogacy in Mumbai: how the recruitment occurs, how much is paid, how much the surrogate gets, where the money goes, what is done, all that jazz.

There was supposed to have been an ultrasound tomorrow (does not sound like it is the NT scan) but just the first visit with the OB, or rather, as I found out today, one of her many assistants. I was kinda geared up for it, and I just found out today that it can't happen tomorrow. Bummer.

I did find a good prenatal testing center, which comes with its own fetal medicine specialists. So this Saturday, J goes in for the NT scan there, and I'll go with her, with my mom in tow.  My lovely, lovely friend M, who came down from Philly to New York to hold my hand during that ill-fated final ultrasound in my last pregnancy warned me to take my mom with me as she is my good luck charm.

Most people, if they had gotten to this point, would be talking about this baby like it were a done deal.
In my first pregnancy, I was like that.

Now, I sat and debated with my mom what would be the next step in this pregnancy fails. But my tough attitude is wearing at the edges.I always act like everything is just a stumble, and nothing can make me truly fall, like everything can be overcome, and life can return to an even keel, no matter what happens. I've learnt to be that way in the past 3 years, and it has been invaluable.

But if this fails, I will fall, atleast for a little bit. I'm getting attached to my little one, and to hope.