When you were born, my mother told me to start a journal recording these first precious days/months. I wondered how useful something like that would be, of how often it would be revisited. There are tapes of me and your uncle talking (I was apparently a chatterbox) that are in storage somewhere and are never listened to as we meander through our days doing very random things.
Then, every time you did something and I'd turn to my mother and go "Did I do that?," I realized when all of this may be useful to you: when you have your babies.
,
The first seven weeks:
The first day you were out of the NICU and in my arms, I was scared, for one minute, that I would be overwhelmed by what I had taken on. Almost two months in, I have no fears.
In the first days, you were an absolute angel. You ate readily and with gusto, and went to sleep when you were full with little fuss, often sleeping six hour stretches at night. Bliss. Uhm....then...according to your grandma, me and your grandpa had a role in rocking that boat: every time you fussed even a little, we dove down to pick you up and cuddle you.
Now, you have discovered the joys of a warm lap and do not see why you need to go to sleep on a cold, boring bed. You have also discovered the power of your own voice and the temper and the stubbornness that come readily with the genes from one side of the family (mama is cursed with all this too...should make our battles in the future very interesting). If we are two minutes late in getting that nipple in your mouth or in ignoring your cues to pick you up, you morph into a tiny pink version of the hulk: your little face goes tomato red and your cries escalate rapidly in crescendo and you get so mad you start to vibrate. We, in turn, are terrified and start to run around frantically to fix this. There was one day when I had gone out for a while and grandma and grandpa were taking care of you. You wanted to be picked up, and grandma wanted to see where you would go with all that thwarted desire. You got so mad that you were being ignored in your hour of need that you used your legs as a lever to propel yourself across the bed...you made it 2-3 feet before they apparently dived for you. Good thing this was a king-sized bed and you were in the center. All of this was when you were a mere 4 weeks of age.
The great thing about you is that all that angst goes away as quickly as it appears, earning you the nickname "Drama Queen."
You may be screaming/vibrating/sobbing with hunger, and then, when that nipple shows up and you clamp down on it, all sound disappears and that rage magically goes away, and you immediately morph back into Gauri.
Ditto with being picked up. You now use your voice as a persuasion tool. You now occasionally coo (you started around 4-5 weeks), make vowel sounds (starting even earlier), and grunt like crazy (more recent development), and you use all three to try to persuade people to pick you up. You once apparently went through your verbal routine, complete with sharp one syllable exhortations and when those were ignored, started to wail in earnest. At that point, grandpa gave up trying to pretend he was a toughie and picked you up. You then ceased wailing and gave him a huge, victorious smile that appeared to say, ha, conned you.
You are also already trying to communicate, or atleast that is what other people say. You keep doing this funny thing with your mouth where you stick you tongue out or contort it into shapes, and people assure me that these are apparently the first steps to communication.
You have been focusing on people for several weeks, and now, around 6-7 weeks, look like you can track people with your eyes.
The day before yesterday was your naming ceremony. Hordes of people descended on us and all wanted to hold you. Most parents describe their babies getting all cranky and irritable from the sensory overload of a dozen people clamoring for their attention on this day. You demonstrated both your sensibility and stubbornness by going to sleep as soon as you saw these shenanigans, and staying determinedly asleep despite the roomful of people talking around you and trying to hold you and wake you up by tickling your toes. When everybody was gone, you woke up and interacted with the three familiar faces around you, and showed no signs of irritability or crankiness later that night. Well done, you.
Your smiles are precious. Your subconscious smiles were really frequent in the first few weeks, and now seem to be decreasing in frequency. You often focus on people really well, but don't dole out too many real smiles. I have not been the lucky recipient of one your real, focused smiles so far, but grandma and grandpa claim to have gotten them, and I also saw you direct some at a cousin. Crazy jealous here kid, give me something!
Nightime with you is an adventure, as it is with most babies. For a few hairy days, it looked like you were having day-night confusion and would stay up 4-5 hours at night. The first 2 hours were a breeze, but after, it started to get rough. In all this, your grandpa has been a savior...he usually comes in at about 4-5 am and insists I go to sleep then, and he then takes care of you. Nowadays, swaddling you at night and keeping you up a good chunk of the day seems to be working.
But no matter what, even if it is 4 am and I have had only 2 hours of sleep so far, I'm still marveling at the wonder of you. Love you, little girl.
Then, every time you did something and I'd turn to my mother and go "Did I do that?," I realized when all of this may be useful to you: when you have your babies.
,
The first seven weeks:
The first day you were out of the NICU and in my arms, I was scared, for one minute, that I would be overwhelmed by what I had taken on. Almost two months in, I have no fears.
In the first days, you were an absolute angel. You ate readily and with gusto, and went to sleep when you were full with little fuss, often sleeping six hour stretches at night. Bliss. Uhm....then...according to your grandma, me and your grandpa had a role in rocking that boat: every time you fussed even a little, we dove down to pick you up and cuddle you.
Now, you have discovered the joys of a warm lap and do not see why you need to go to sleep on a cold, boring bed. You have also discovered the power of your own voice and the temper and the stubbornness that come readily with the genes from one side of the family (mama is cursed with all this too...should make our battles in the future very interesting). If we are two minutes late in getting that nipple in your mouth or in ignoring your cues to pick you up, you morph into a tiny pink version of the hulk: your little face goes tomato red and your cries escalate rapidly in crescendo and you get so mad you start to vibrate. We, in turn, are terrified and start to run around frantically to fix this. There was one day when I had gone out for a while and grandma and grandpa were taking care of you. You wanted to be picked up, and grandma wanted to see where you would go with all that thwarted desire. You got so mad that you were being ignored in your hour of need that you used your legs as a lever to propel yourself across the bed...you made it 2-3 feet before they apparently dived for you. Good thing this was a king-sized bed and you were in the center. All of this was when you were a mere 4 weeks of age.
The great thing about you is that all that angst goes away as quickly as it appears, earning you the nickname "Drama Queen."
You may be screaming/vibrating/sobbing with hunger, and then, when that nipple shows up and you clamp down on it, all sound disappears and that rage magically goes away, and you immediately morph back into Gauri.
Ditto with being picked up. You now use your voice as a persuasion tool. You now occasionally coo (you started around 4-5 weeks), make vowel sounds (starting even earlier), and grunt like crazy (more recent development), and you use all three to try to persuade people to pick you up. You once apparently went through your verbal routine, complete with sharp one syllable exhortations and when those were ignored, started to wail in earnest. At that point, grandpa gave up trying to pretend he was a toughie and picked you up. You then ceased wailing and gave him a huge, victorious smile that appeared to say, ha, conned you.
You are also already trying to communicate, or atleast that is what other people say. You keep doing this funny thing with your mouth where you stick you tongue out or contort it into shapes, and people assure me that these are apparently the first steps to communication.
You have been focusing on people for several weeks, and now, around 6-7 weeks, look like you can track people with your eyes.
The day before yesterday was your naming ceremony. Hordes of people descended on us and all wanted to hold you. Most parents describe their babies getting all cranky and irritable from the sensory overload of a dozen people clamoring for their attention on this day. You demonstrated both your sensibility and stubbornness by going to sleep as soon as you saw these shenanigans, and staying determinedly asleep despite the roomful of people talking around you and trying to hold you and wake you up by tickling your toes. When everybody was gone, you woke up and interacted with the three familiar faces around you, and showed no signs of irritability or crankiness later that night. Well done, you.
Your smiles are precious. Your subconscious smiles were really frequent in the first few weeks, and now seem to be decreasing in frequency. You often focus on people really well, but don't dole out too many real smiles. I have not been the lucky recipient of one your real, focused smiles so far, but grandma and grandpa claim to have gotten them, and I also saw you direct some at a cousin. Crazy jealous here kid, give me something!
Nightime with you is an adventure, as it is with most babies. For a few hairy days, it looked like you were having day-night confusion and would stay up 4-5 hours at night. The first 2 hours were a breeze, but after, it started to get rough. In all this, your grandpa has been a savior...he usually comes in at about 4-5 am and insists I go to sleep then, and he then takes care of you. Nowadays, swaddling you at night and keeping you up a good chunk of the day seems to be working.
But no matter what, even if it is 4 am and I have had only 2 hours of sleep so far, I'm still marveling at the wonder of you. Love you, little girl.
Loved reading this, thank you for sharing.
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