First and Foremost: I apologize for all the blank posts. If anybody is having issues with posting, try changing your browser. I kept posting with Firefox, only the title of my post could be published (Lots of hair got yanked out!!). Changing to Internet Explorer fixed it. Blogger deserves to be abandoned for Wordpress or something else that does not mess up like this.
After my second loss, my Indian RE strongly suggested I read the book 'Coming to Term'. The author and his wife had 4 pregnancy losses (2 chemical, 2 more advanced), and he decided to do a careful study on the subject of recurrent pregnancy loss. His book covers the scientific spectrum of causes of pregnancy loss, and he has the most heartrending case studies. Its horrifying and uplifting all together to read those stories. The average women in there had about 4 losses, but many of them has as many as 6 or more. Almost ALL of them went on to have healthy children. Almost all. Tears and joy aside, reading that book gave me a good idea of the scope of the monster that is RPL, an invaluable thing in itself.
The book also highlights that science does not have all the answers and that miscarriage is the murkiest of pools. One story in particular stood out. This woman had 4 first trimester losses. She was finally diagnosed with Factor V Leiden, which predisposes to blood clots that end the pregnancy. At that time, heparin had not been established as the treatment for this issue. Her fifth pregnancy, with no medical intervention whatsoever, went completely smoothly. She had a healthy baby. She got pregnant again, and this time, took heparin, and that pregnancy also went just fine. What amazes me was her 5th pregnancy. If clotting was what had ended 4 of the pregnancies, what saved the 5th? Science definately does not have the answers.
Still- there are times when it can help. I stumbled across the most amazing website. It is an archive of all the research done on the myriad causes of pregnancy loss.
I did a lot of reading up on the the two that have been implicated for me, Vitamin D and Thyroid autoimmunity. There is PLENTY of evidence linking the two to pregnancy loss, and even more gratifyingly, vitamin D to glucose metabolism. The parts about Selenium and anti-thyroid antibodies I also found useful. This website is a treasure trove, I'm not done going through it yet.
However linked something is to either infertility or pregnancy loss, the converse also applies, there have to have been women who have many of these issues, and have gone on to have perfect pregnancies.Nothing is absolute and almost all the iceberg is still below water.
The statistic is that one in 5 pregnancies end in loss. I have 4 friends currently pregnant. I'm the only person they know who has had pregnancy losses. When I listened to my friend, who had just started trying and who is now 15 weeks along, a sense of failure came upon me. How could I have been the one to fail not just once, but twice? A stupid, immature feeling, but its not one that is going to go away anytime soon.
What I've learned along this painful road: tell nobody. I've made a few new friends in NYC who I'm getting closer and closer to as time goes by. One year ago, I would have happily told them what I intend to do. Now, I'm going to keep my mouth firmly shut. Nobody is going to get to know the next time around, whenever that blessed event occurs.