Sunday, July 17, 2011

Giving thanks

Somedays, I just have to thank god that I got to live in this age.  It is a kind and politically correct time and importantly, an age where there is such a variety of things you have access to.

I'm currently working my way through the most enormous book I've ever read.  I usually tear through a book in a single setting, finishing a 400 page book in approximately 4 hours. This one I've been reading for 10 hours over 3 days and I've just over halfway through. Its the latest book in the series the completely awesome HBO show "Game of Thrones" is based on.  One of the characters just stands out for me.  He has the horrible fortune of being born a dwarf into one of the most powerful, ambitious and callous families in the land, in an immensely cruel and tough time.  His father, a complete monster, despises and manipulates him. The world he lives in constantly mocks him. His life is made so much worse because of the kind of person he is. Had he been a person of average intellect and depth, he would have blended into the background and might have lived an uneventful, mostly ignored life. But his immensely intelligent, shrewd and larger-than-life personality results in him being thrust into the complex political scene. He survives a number of horrific events, is betrayed at many turns and through all of it, is constantly mocked for being a dwarf.  He is understandably bitter about the horrific hand life has dealt him. Yet, in situations where most would have despaired, he still keeps going. He fights hard to survive and at the end of the day, remains interested in humanity and retains his innate kindness, empathy and sense of humor (though its about as black as black can get). This character, wonderfully portrayed by Peter Dinklage on the show, fascinates me. Though this is all make-believe, there have to have been people of comparable depth, born or thrust into such difficult situations. Sometimes, it seems like the more extraordinary souls are the ones more likely to be  dealt crapfests. Or is it the other way around, does the crapfest bring out the extraordinary in people? This definitely seems true of many people who have gone through hell in life- some of the most amazing people I have seen out here are the people who have been dealt the harshest blows by IF.

I have to be thankful for the fact that I live in an age where people are so much kinder (the world in this book series is unimaginably barbaric), an age where we can be exposed to the imaginations of some wonderful minds, who can create such marvelous entertainment for us in so many ways. Its something that may have been unavailable to say, our grandparents. I'm grateful for the choices we have- its not something we should take for granted.

In infertility-related news, I'm determined that I will schedule the Glucose Tolerance Test this week. I've never been so conflicted as to what I want the result to be. Why would anybody want to fail it? It might mean a future where I more likely to be insulin-dependent, with the variety of problems that come with diabetes waiting for me.  On the other hand, if I pass it, we will not know if metformin will help me. Most doctors just shrug when asked whether I should be on it, they say, why bother? You seem to have little need of it, you have no PCOS-related problems. Well, I don't.  Its just that my babies keep dying at about 8 weeks of gestation, and gee, it would be nice to have a culprit and something I can attempt to fix before rushing in headlong again. I'll still take metformin, but if I pass the GTT, it just means more uncertainty on whether I need it, and its not an easy drug to take.  Well, I can't decide what I want the result be, but will be glad to finally have an answer.


  1. I didn't feel any benefit of it while I was on it (although in retrospect, I did finally get pregnant, even though I lost it before 6 weeks), I didn't have as many problems with Metformin as many others must; once I adjusted and was on the full dose, I didn't notice anything.  So there is hope that it might not be as bad as you imagine.

  2. Jen, thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. Did you stay on it after?

  3. I think it's always better to know, to have that knowledge. And who knows? The test may uncover an issue where you didn't expect to find one. I also asked for Metformin on the off-chance that it would make a difference in egg quality, but was never able to find someone willing to prescribe it to me. It was also the reason I really, really wanted to try Luveris (but, again, was never able to find anyone willing to let me try).

    I love Peter Dinklage. I haven't been watching the series though may give it a try.

  4. I think it's good that you're having the test, just to know.  And very interesting about the book!  May have to check that out - I'm always looking for good reads...

  5. These books are huge, and be warned, bloody, graphic and with language not for the faint of heart. But the dialogue and plot are absolutely riveting and this series may just make  the 'best books I've ever read' list :) I'm planning to put a page up with book reccos- what kind of books do you go for? 

  6. I just finished the first book in that series and was so happy to find the second, third, and fourth on sale thanks to the fifth coming out. Now they are in my pile of books to be read!

    Also, I wanted to say thank you for sharing the scientific material, resources, and explanations you have found in your blog. It has been very helpful to me and I'm sure it has been helpful to other people as well.

    Anyway, I have been following your blog for a while now and I know this journey has been hard for you, I sincerely hope it gets better.

  7. Thanks, its really nice to hear that!  Losing my babies them made me learn so much that I would have never figured out had I not miscarried. I'm glad if what I have learned has helped others in anyway, because it means something positive has come from the horrible.

    I'm really enjoying the books...I read Dance with dragons first and now I'm reading the first 4, I really LOVE GRRM even though he has this completely nasty habit of killing off the good guys, damn him.

  8. I finished that book two days ago. It was so anticlimatic, waiting for years for a book to be published only to finish it in a few days. Still, I loved it and I am resigned to wait for the next book, this last one took six years! I hope he does not take as long for the next one.

    I was on metformin for a while, in theory to prevent ovarian cysts. I had failed a glucose tolerance test back then.  I still got ovarian cysts in spite of the metformin. They increased my dose and then I got acid reflux. Then I changed doctors and the new one said I did not need metformin. By then I had changed my diet and was limiting my carbs (which did wonders for other PCOS symptoms but I still had cysts). When I got pregnant I passed the glucose tolerance test, I think it was thanks to the low carb diet. I miscarried anyway, but that was due to a subchorionic hematoma, metformin would not have helped. My second miscarriage remains a mystery.

  9. Wasn't it horribly confusing reading Book 5 before Books 2-4? (The HBO show did a good job of capturing book 1.)

    Love George R R Martin but have to admit was disappointed in Book 5.