Somedays, I just have to thank god that I got to live in this age. It is a kind and politically correct time and importantly, an age where there is such a variety of things you have access to.
I'm currently working my way through the most enormous book I've ever read. I usually tear through a book in a single setting, finishing a 400 page book in approximately 4 hours. This one I've been reading for 10 hours over 3 days and I've just over halfway through. Its the latest book in the series the completely awesome HBO show "Game of Thrones" is based on. One of the characters just stands out for me. He has the horrible fortune of being born a dwarf into one of the most powerful, ambitious and callous families in the land, in an immensely cruel and tough time. His father, a complete monster, despises and manipulates him. The world he lives in constantly mocks him. His life is made so much worse because of the kind of person he is. Had he been a person of average intellect and depth, he would have blended into the background and might have lived an uneventful, mostly ignored life. But his immensely intelligent, shrewd and larger-than-life personality results in him being thrust into the complex political scene. He survives a number of horrific events, is betrayed at many turns and through all of it, is constantly mocked for being a dwarf. He is understandably bitter about the horrific hand life has dealt him. Yet, in situations where most would have despaired, he still keeps going. He fights hard to survive and at the end of the day, remains interested in humanity and retains his innate kindness, empathy and sense of humor (though its about as black as black can get). This character, wonderfully portrayed by Peter Dinklage on the show, fascinates me. Though this is all make-believe, there have to have been people of comparable depth, born or thrust into such difficult situations. Sometimes, it seems like the more extraordinary souls are the ones more likely to be dealt crapfests. Or is it the other way around, does the crapfest bring out the extraordinary in people? This definitely seems true of many people who have gone through hell in life- some of the most amazing people I have seen out here are the people who have been dealt the harshest blows by IF.
I have to be thankful for the fact that I live in an age where people are so much kinder (the world in this book series is unimaginably barbaric), an age where we can be exposed to the imaginations of some wonderful minds, who can create such marvelous entertainment for us in so many ways. Its something that may have been unavailable to say, our grandparents. I'm grateful for the choices we have- its not something we should take for granted.
In infertility-related news, I'm determined that I will schedule the Glucose Tolerance Test this week. I've never been so conflicted as to what I want the result to be. Why would anybody want to fail it? It might mean a future where I more likely to be insulin-dependent, with the variety of problems that come with diabetes waiting for me. On the other hand, if I pass it, we will not know if metformin will help me. Most doctors just shrug when asked whether I should be on it, they say, why bother? You seem to have little need of it, you have no PCOS-related problems. Well, I don't. Its just that my babies keep dying at about 8 weeks of gestation, and gee, it would be nice to have a culprit and something I can attempt to fix before rushing in headlong again. I'll still take metformin, but if I pass the GTT, it just means more uncertainty on whether I need it, and its not an easy drug to take. Well, I can't decide what I want the result be, but will be glad to finally have an answer.