Saturday, June 1, 2013

Moving ahead...finally

First, this is to the person who commented in my last post that myo-insoitol helped with anxiety-that is one of its very well demonstrated uses, apparently.

I'm ready to move ahead with the next step down this road, another round of IVF.

There has been a reason for this sort of extended break; I started talking to somebody through the Indian arranged marriage route a few months ago. I'm always being introduced to one person or the other, usually, I'm bored senseless with 5 seconds of looking at their profile or 10 minutes of conversation with them. This was different...we hit it off and talked to each other extensively for months. For once, I knew that many of the ingredients of that magic mix were here. It was like sighting a unicorn, frankly. He came around the world just to see me, and we hit it off.

Everything was going great, until I sat him down and dragged out the gory skeleton of Plan B, telling him everything that has happened in the past 3 years. I couldn't go ahead without telling him, keeping him in the dark about something so big. For some reason, I thought he could take it, because at the surface, he seemed like a truly unconventional person. But he couldn't, and broke things off. I'm not going to say all of this did not hurt, but this was also the ultimate litmus test to see if  someone is capable of going through some hard times with you, and he turned to not be that sort of person.

I liked a lot of things about him a lot, but I think it hurt more because going ahead with him was the easier way of doing things, not just for me, but also any children I might have and my family.

So now, its back to Plan B. I keep thinking about why things have been so hard. There are 2 ways to look at it; there is something insidiously wrong that is not showing up on any test and will keep screwing things up, by screwing up my eggs.

Or the second, that I've just been thwarted by really bad luck so far.

The first pregnancy, where I lost a chromsomally normal fetus could have been a hostile gestation because of an angry immune system (because of the vitamin D deficiency plus the thyroid). The second, when the thyroid issue was fixed, may have been doomed from the start because a gimpy X-chromsome lacking sperm jumped my poor egg (80% of Turners cases are male-linked apparently). Then, when I got too vitamin D high during the next 2 attempts, things went to hell; failed to get pregnant once, made an egg with a triploidy the next time. The failure of my IVF could have been that the agonist protocol was unsuitable for me, and the menopour made it worse, and my reproductive system were still in that too high Vitamin D-induced funk.

Now, I've been taking folic acid (5 mg/day), vitamin D (2000 IU/day instead of 5000 IU/day), myo-inositol (1000 mg/day), and dear god, I hate to say it, but things are looking good. Of course, things may just go to hell the next cycle because I'm picking it to have my IVF in. God knows what kind of game the universe is playing with me, I'm starting to feel like something my cat plays with...catch, release, catch, release...argh!


Anyway, the IVF will start soon, have many details to iron out, but it will be a lowish follistim dose +  the antagonist; when we start giving the antagonist is the gzillion dollar question, that is what I will have to thrash out with my RE.

More soon, and my pace of blogging and hopefully blog reading will pick up. I'm so sorry for having been such an awful blogger lately.

11 comments:

  1. Are you going with the surrogate again or are you transferring the embryos back to you? I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship. I like your plan B!

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  2. disqus_c1qFKR3fH0June 2, 2013 at 7:45 AM

    Antagonist like Ganirelix? I think there's a pretty common formula for when to start it...I always did when my lead follicle was 12-14mm.

    Wishing you well@

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  3. Good to hear from you again. I'm sorry things didn't work out with the man you dated. Wishing you success with your upcoming cycle.

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  4. Hi Jessica, yes,It will be to a surrogate, for now.

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  5. looking forward to following you this cycle and wishing you the best of luck!!

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  6. Kristina BennettJune 5, 2013 at 2:28 AM

    Good to hear from you!
    Sorry that the guy didn't handle your story well. He did show his true colors, though I wish his true colors were of a different hue!
    Sending good thoughts for your new cycle! I'm still curious about antagonists but maybe my age precludes me using them. Wanted to let you know that my Vitamin D was finally tested and it was low. I'm on a supplement now and praying for a semi-miracle to happen in one of these next IUI cycles...

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  7. Sorry, I'm having some trouble posting this comment for some reason! This is Kristina at http://authenticchoices.blogspot.com/

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  8. All the things you're taking should help! Wishing you the best outome possible

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  9. Always good to hear from you, dear woman. First, I'm very sorry to read that things did not work out with this man. He sounded good, but we need GREAT for Jay. And if he can't see that your history shows loads of perseverance, determination, resilience and commitment, then he is not the one for you.

    I'm glad that things are getting going on the IVF front. It sounds like you are in a good place physically and this can only bode well for your treatment cycle.

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  10. I just found your blog--surprised I haven't found it earlier! I'm also an Indian SMC (I'm at candlelightandpacifiers.tumblr.com). I'm wishing you the best of luck in your upcoming IVF cycle. I was also recently dating someone Indian who seemed unconventional, and even accepted my pregnancy, but in the end I think he freaked out and ran, so I understand that aspect too...

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