Monday, February 18, 2013

Awaiting the verdict

The beta is tomorrow. In the plus side, this has been the easiest 2ww I’ve been through. There have been moments of the kind of fear that sucks your breath away, but they have definitely been less frequent compared to the 4 others I’ve lived through.

My friend asked me if I’d be ok if the surrogate was not pregnant. I replied, I would be, because I had to be. That just about sums up everything. A BFN would definitely not be the hardest thing I’ve had to face yet. The only way it is horrible is that it would create the necessity of another IVF, and that I don’t look forward to.

I’m mystified at my fear again, because the IVF was, in truth, not that difficult. Things were a bit more painful because I was taking menagon IM and follistim and Lupron SC ----each day I had to take 3 injections instead of 2.  When you are taking these injections on a daily basis for a fortnight, at some point, 3 vs 2 starts mattering.  But I have no lasting souvenirs from that IVF- no weight gain, no debt, nothing other than a zit the size of mount Everest whose scar still lingers and that awful traumatic  memory of finding my cat had died when I was woozy from the retrieval.  So if I have to do it again, hopefully, it should not be so bad, definately sans any violent loss of something/body that I love.

Hopefully, we wont have to have the IVF conversation for a long time because the surrogate is knocked up and that baby will stick. But if not, I’ll be ok. In happy news, I got a real job, as opposed to the one I was doing for shits and giggles. Right now, I’m jumping ship from science to scientific writing- It’s a job in a really good company with a decent starting pay. I pick up the offer letter tomorrow, and after 5 pm IST, I get to know if the surrogate is knocked up. Pray for me- not for a BFP in particular, but that overall, the universe will be good to me in this next period of my life.


  1. Omg this is so intense! I'm so nervous, I don't even know if I can check your blog tomorrow for fear of a BFN... ARGH! OK, thinking positive thoughts and hoping and praying that you have a very happy future ahead. 

  2. I sent and am sending you prayers for goodness coming to you in the next period of your life.  I also hope the surrogate is preggo and this will be your time for a baby.  I look forward to your news.

  3.  And congrats on your job offer! :-)

  4. Best wishes, Jay.  Hopefully the new job is just the start of all the great things to come your way!

  5. May you protected and safe
    May you be contented and pleased
    May your body support you with strength
    May your life unfold gently and with ease.

    All this and  more I wish for you tomorrow and beyond, Jay.

    tara in Texas

  6. I hope you get great news tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

  7. Good luck for today jay. Starting a new job would be a wonderful distraction from what u have been going through for past few years. I pray all good things happen from here on now.

  8. Lots of good luck Jay ! You are in my thoughts. Take Care !

  9. thinking lots of positive thoughts & sending them your way