Another rolling of the dice (updated)

Yesterday was a big day. My sole 3AA embryo was thawed, and transferred to my surrogate. Things went well.

Its so surreal that this is happening again, and I have no part in it.  The one overwhelming emotion I felt was gratitude that it was not me going through this again- that 2ww, the waking up 3 times a night, the changes in your body, the sheer terror of waiting to see how things will go. I LOVED everything the first time I was pregnant. I used to walk around with this foolish smile, savoring it all, even the crummy bits. The second time, I was also excited, yet scared. By the 3rd time, I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore, stress was the one thing that stood out.

Now, all of this pregnancy-related noise, instead of being a roar in my head, is a dull noise in the background. I'm still scared, but yet, I feel protected by distance. That is a good thing.  

BUT-There is always a pro and a con- I cannot find out in 5-6 days if my embryo got to win the first battle and invade that uterine wall- I have to wait 12 days for the beta. That is positively cruel. But its all relative- I heard that in England, they do not even bother with a beta during surrogacy, they go straight to the  6(?) week U/S. 

I have not told anybody at home the transfer happened yesterday- They know the surrogate's(lets call her R) cycle is underway, but they did not ask, and I did not tell, because I don't want them to have to play this waiting game with me.  Its all so very surreal- how can your baby/embryo be alive and not within you? How can something so utterly momentous have nothing to do with you? How can you be ok with such a situation?

This is a very strange world we live in, where very strange things are possible.  And I thank god for it.

Update: A couple of you have asked if the surrogate would be doing HPTs. This is definitely an available option, I could meet the handler, give her the sticks, and the instructions, but it would also complicate stuff. I'm fairly sure R has never even heard of a home pregnancy test, much less taken one. Nor probably has the handler, who has been a surrogate herself.  I find myself overall, reluctant to do something like this, because it is complicated and decreases that distance I want to maintain to protect myself from the terrifying reality of all this. But that is me talking right now. I may *totally* cave in 5 days. But I know this from experience- testing early always makes for unnecessary drama. It will be nice If I can find the inner discipline to avoid it this time around.