Saturday, January 19, 2013

Meeting my surrogate

Sadly, I've missed International Delurking Week by a mile. Its nice to have a legitimate excuse to ask people to delurk and its even nicer when some of you do so. I've got one of those blogs where the proportion of commentors to readers is microscopic- I'm clearly not one of the writers whose writings make people inclined to emerge from the shadows and say something, and I have to say, I'm madly jealous of those who are! But still, I'm so glad there are people who come here to read, you make me feel good. And even if it is a week or two late, I hope some of you delurk in the spirit of International Delurking Week.

Things have been happening to relieve the limbo. My green card petition was approved! This one is through the horribly long process, which means I may end up getting it in 2016, still that fits in nicely with my plans, assuming I get to make a baby. The petition that gives it to you immediately is still under scrutiny, I kind of want it to pass too, because it gives me the freedom of choice.

In my last post, I had mentioned I was afraid to find out about the surrogate, mainly because I thought I would find major fault with whoever got picked- mostly because how the heck can you trust somebody to do something so freaking important? Because of that, I delayed finding anything about her and meeting her for as long as possible, but finally, it was time to sign the contracts, because the process is almost ready to begin.

My parents and I met her, and her 'handler' yesterday. Just FYI, here is how things work in India- the surrogate is from a lower economic strata, and the handler is a woman who has previously been a surrogate, who lives in her neighborhood, checks up on her, takes her to her doctors visists, and who guides her through the whole process, based on the familiarity with the system and the process.

The handler also is instrumental in recruiting the surrogate. Apparently, my handler is an old hat at this process, after her surrogacy, she has handled over a 100 pregnancies. 

Anyway, my fears turned out to be baseless. These are women who can't speak English, they had no idea that fish during pregnancy can be bad but they are simple, nice women I instinctively had a good vibe for, as did my parents. I gave her my fancy prenatals and vitamin D, thanked her repeatedly, cried a little when I told her about the fact that she might go through a loss because I had already lost 3 babies.  She, on the other hand reassured me and told me that she would take the best possible care of the gift she would carry for me, and that god willing, things would go well this time. It was really sweet, and reassuring. I'm so very thankful I feel so positive about this going forward.

She gets her period in a few days. Then-- we start.

More in a little while on other topics, including H pylori, PCOS and GERD. 


  1. Good Luck !

  2. Wow!  A major step.  I am glad that you feel comfortable with your surrogate.  Hoping and praying.... :-)

  3. Wow, very exciting!  And scary too, I know.  Sounds like you've found a wonderful woman to help you finally become a mommy.

  4. That is very exciting! I bet you are super anxious! Sounds like this is a great person and I wish you the best of luck!! I will be reading and thinking positive thoughts for your and your surrogate!

  5. What a neat lady!  I hope this brings you the child you so wish for finally...the best to you in 2013.

  6. Exciting!  I'm glad your fears were comforted with meeting her.  Sounds like a sweet meeting/connection.  Hope your earlier green card comes through!
    p.s. I have a very small percentage of commenters too, whose stories I follow and comment on their blogs, as well.  I feel like I have a small "inner" circle and a larger "outer" reader circle.  I asked for delurking and only got 2 or 3 more comments... I think you have a lot more readers than me though.

  7. Jay,

    I have followed your story for a while now, and have commented several times but mostly just read and cheer you on from the sidelines.  What a milestone to meet your surrogate!  I wish you a wonderful 2013 that brings you much closer to your goal of becoming a mother.

    Tara, SMC to an 18 m-o

  8. All the very best!

  9. I've been reading your story for a while now.  I'm pretty sure I have commented... but maybe not :)  I'm so glad that your meeting with the surrogate went well!  I can understand your anxieties, but it looks like all turned out okay! :)  I am looking forward to reading more soon!


  10. Michaela SzidloskiJanuary 20, 2013 at 7:45 PM

    Wow! Congratulations! That's amazing!

    I'm a regular at your blog!

  11. Wow, meeting your surrogate, that's big!! Really hoping for you.

    I'm a regular reader from way back...semi-regular commentor tho your more technical posts go way over my head ;)

  12. Wow, so exciting!! I can't believe this is actually happening... must be such a relief to have the ball rolling on this and feel good about your surrogate. She sounds lovely, so far.

  13. Wow, this is so interesting to read about - I've never heard of anyone using an int'l surrogate. 

    Sorry I don't comment often, but I'm always here reading! 

  14. I love your blog!  ...particularly how you research and explain the medical details of PCOS seemingly to more depth than my RE!  I have PCOS and have done a lot of my own research as well although not near as thoroughly as you have.  Thanks so much for sharing!  I hope everything goes well for you and your surrogate and I will continue to follow your story.  Also, this is me delurking.  :)