Saturday, October 22, 2011

In which I meet my future baby's half-sibling......

This, as the title suggests, is a tale of staggering cosmic coincidence. Around November 2009, I found my donor. On seeing his profile, I knew within an hour that this was just perfect for me. That moment of perfect clarity came after months of indecision and trolling entire databases of multiple banks and wringing my hands trying to make a decision. The relief was indescribable. I bought a few vials, opened a yahoo donor sibling group, and hoped that women using my donor would run google searches and show up.  Not much happened for a while.

I was also a member of Wendy Kramer's Yahoo DSR group. I never ever visited it though. One day, late at night, I was aimlessly browsing. Something made me open up that Yahoo DSR. One of the first few posts had a link to an article in Marie Claire, where this woman talks about her donor. No bank name or donor ID was mentioned, but this was what was said.

His voice sounded warm and kind. I listened to stories about his family, friends, wife, and life experiences. He said he became a donor not for the financial incentive, but to give an amazing gift to an individual or a couple, which was great news after hearing so many guys say flat-out they were doing it for the money. [A donor can make up to $100 per sample.] It was really moving. During the last minute, I had tears rolling down my face, and I knew this was right for me.  

I read this, and I was like, huh, she has my donor. I just knew.  Thankfully, the article gave her full name. I found her on facebook and contacted her. She was extremely enthusiastic and YES, we had the same donor!

She had had multiple failed IUIs at that point. She went for her first IVF a little after I went for my first IUI. We both got pregnant, she had her baby, I lost mine. But we kept in touch, though our contact has been almost nil this year.

She joined our little donor group. Quite a few other women found us as well. Some of them went on to have kids and now, all of these women are in touch with each other. Their kids will meet each other, and hopefully forge relationships.  I am so glad so many good things came out of that entirely random stream of events.

Last weekend, I went to the New York SMC conference. It was totally a last minute decision. It was a roomful of about 200 women maybe. I step out for lunch, people milling around everywhere, this woman comes up out of nowhere and introduces herself. Even though she is a facebook friend, I did not recognize her-- but it was M, with her baby! My jaw literally hit the floor and stayed there. I hung out with her, I got to play with her son who is just the most delightful baby.. it was surreal. I don't know if I can ever have a baby with my donor--- but if I indeed do get to do that, I just met my baby's half-sibling before meeting my baby!!!

I've just been floored by the incredible coincidences that keep connecting me, time and again, to M. I keep thinking, the universe must have a grand plan in engineering all of this, and I drive myself nuts trying to figure out what it is.....

16 comments:

  1. That's pretty amazing!  Donor conceived families are like a whole new world; or at least like a whole new way of looking at things.

    If I get pregnant from my donor embryos, there is already a group of 10 donor siblings that are in contact with each other.  I find that thought comforting for me and my future child.

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  2. Wow! this is so cool! glad you could meet your potential future child's half sibling. what a gift : )


    Mo

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  3. Wow! I mean. WOW! That is an incredible story. How does that even happen? I guess you are living proof. I really like how this community creates such amazing connections. It seams like you have a really nice connection with M and her son, and now your child will have a connection with his/her half brother. HOW AMAZING!

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  4. Wow, that is an incredible story and an amazing coincidence!

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  5. ThebabychaseprojectOctober 23, 2011 at 2:05 AM

    Wow.. that is an amazing story. You are in my thoughts, Jay. I hope you are doing well. I know you will be a wonderful mom.

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  6. That is an amazing story and although I'm not religious, I find comfort in believing that there are "reasons" behind things in life.  I truly being you're right about the coincidences and having a grand plan...I'm excited to continue seeing how things unfold.  And by the way, I have referred quite a few women to your science tab as I truly think its an amazing source of things we're not often told by our doctors so thank you for that.

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  7. Amazing! What an experience for you!

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  8. How cool is that?!?  Wow!  

    Ok, I really need to get on DSR.  I don't have a burning desire to meet any half sibs right now, but now I'm thinking I'd at least like to see a few pictures.  

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  9. You are welcome:)  I'm discovering that I am surprisingly passionate about spreading the word about vitamin D, so any help in doing doing is very much appreciated!

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  10. That's pretty amazing - I can believe that it was very surreal. The man makes delightful babies, and here is hoping that it is just a matter of time (and short time, at that) until you have your own delightful baby in your arms.

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  11. I just just just saw a mini documentary about donor siblings who met each other (and a mom and two kids who met their donor).  It was so amazing, especially to see the donor half-siblings together... they were able to confuse their families on the phone (one answered for another) - so interesting!  What an amazing story to meet your future baby's half-brother!

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  12. so happy you are expecting jay.. congratulations!

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  13. sorry I misread the post hoping for some good news..maybe there will be some soon. all the best

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  14. No worries. I'll be trying soon-ish--thanks!!!

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