Monday, May 16, 2011

Catching up

I cannot believe almost half of this year is over, it has flown by.  Life is even more frantic, there are days I'm at work well past midnight, and the weekends, they are pretty exhausting as well. This past Sunday I literally walked atleast quarter(?) the length of Manhattan, starting from union square and walking through Central Park, with a few meanderings along the way. Plus, I've been playing tourist with the multiple friends and family visiting me...uuhhh. Its been loads of fun though.

Not much is happening on the fertility monitoring front- My FMR1 genotyping came back as normal, I have some significant anti-thyroid (still low though) autoimmunity and I'm still waffling taking that all important glucose tolerance test.

From all the crap that happens in life, one good thing or two does have to emerge. This year, this time out of time, is a good thing. You have to look at the silver linings and smile. I've also been meeting up with SMC tryers. Looking at them- they are all going through the roller coasters of the buildup to ovulation and the 2wws, I feel both deeply envious that they get do that and passionate relief that I don't have to right now. Just remembering how stressful it all is makes me turn green. The worry that you might not get pregnant, the joy and the fear once you do, can I just say I hate the rollercoaster? Mostly because every time I've ridden it, its only taken me crashing to the ground. After my first loss, I was determined to get back on it immediately and the next 4 months rank among the most stressful of my life. After my second loss, I realized, for the sake of self preservation among other things, that I had to take a break. I shut it all out almost immediately, and I am so very proud of myself for being able to do that. I'll be even prouder when I actually willingly get back on the rollercoaster again.I was in Times Square the other day, and I saw this----The Wishing Wall  at Times Square.

I read through many of the post-its, and they ranged from desires for boyfriends to wanting to make it on broadway before they turned 17, and then I saw this little one (sorry for the horrible photo quality). It made me both want to smile and cry at the same time- I thought, given that it had to be posted on Dec 31st 2010, it might be that it was a woman facing fertility problems.  I can empathize, and its exactly my wish----hope it comes true!

Hope everybody is doing well. I try to keep up with the blog reading, and I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts.


  1. That wishing wall looks amazing! Yes, that was my New Year's wish too, which now can't come true, but I'll be happy if there's at least a little one incubating in utero this year. I also can't believe how quickly the year has gone. Better get busy living I suppose!Don't work too hard Jay xx

  2. I really hope your wish comes true. 

  3. I'm glad you've taken this time. I think the drive to get right back on that rollercoaster can be very great, and though I don't think there's a blanket "right or wrong" to it, I do think they're are situations where it's wrong. Where things just need to be slowed way down. That post-it made me smile. Yes.