Monday, August 30, 2010


The window for my next insemination is  going to be around September 4th.  But the universe has a seriously messed up sense of humor.  About a month ago, I started hanging out with a new group of people. I have a lot of fun with them, and we spend about nearly the entire weekend hanging out with each other.  The more time I spend with one of the guys there, the more I realize I really *like* him.  We get along extremely well, we always laugh at each other's jokes and we really get what the other person is about. Nothing romantic, but I am starting to think that if we went out, we would be really great together. I don't know his back story (one of my friends is trying to get it), but it looks like he is single right now.

If I had even an inkling that he liked me back, I'd comfortably put aside Plan B atleast this month and see where things would go.  The problem is, I have no idea. Declaring myself to him  is too risky.  Pride issues aside, I'm loving the new group too much to want to rock this boat. Waiting and watching would be logical, except I really don't want to spend 1-2 months waiting just to finally figure out that he is not on the same page, and just sees me as a friend.  And then there is the thing that I am literally itching to proceed. Women who have been in the same place will understand this perfectly, but nobody else will.

The last time I inseminated, it was without a second thought. Now, I am fully aware of the ramifications of going to that doctor's office, and I feel like I'm standing at a vital fork in the road and I'm not sure which is the right one to take.

I'm going to spend a lot of time yelling out my favorite epithet, in a very loud and drawn-out manner this week!


  1. Hi Jay, What a sticky situation.. If a guy likes you, he will pursue you. Has he asked you out?

    If you feel that you really like him, would it be worth doing the IUI later this year to see what develops with this relationship. But, if nothing develops with this relationship, I don't want you to feel guilty for delaying the IUI.

  2. Well, he has not asked me out. Or shown any indication that he likes me. But then, I'm pretty darned sure he has no idea I like him either. We initially met as friends and I've started to fall for him very very slowly, and I'm pretty sure if he returns the sentiment, then its been a similar progression for him too. Since any overt declaration from either of us might mean serious awkwardness if the other does not feel the same way, the sensible thing to do is to take it slow.

    But I've really lost faith that Plan A will work for me, at this juncture in my life. That really is the crux of the issue. Hence, waiting on pure faith for something to happen would to be hard, especially when I am so invested and even obsessed with this entire baby-making process right now.

  3. I think you should find out his interest before you go to your IUI. You can't take it back and he might share the same feelings. Maybe you guys could get coffee in the next couple of days. You still have some time to find out.

  4. Hi Jay, Thanks for finding my blog and commenting.

    You have to decide if motherhood is a priority or something you can wait for. I have been in this exact dilemma and for me there was no question. The desire to be a mother was always first and foremost for me. But I'm much older than you and have rotten fertility. You probably have time but that's the sucky thing about fertility, you never know. Good luck!

    PS I'm so sorry for your previous loss.

  5. Paige and Selkiemom, thanks for your input. Its pretty impossible to see him this week without being pretty darned obvious, so I need to make a decision with probably no further information.

    I'm *probably* going to go ahead with the insemination. Waiting is definitely the more sensible thing to do, but GOD, I just can't.

  6. That is a tough one, Jay...for myself, I've put Plan A on the back burner since I believe that my Mr Right will be accepting of my choice to be a mom...IMHO, if it's meant to be with your guy, it'll work out even if you insem this month.

  7. I have had such a difficult time dating because I know I can't afford to put things on hold and I also know that it isn't fair for me to put any of this on a new guy... it's been a weird juggling act.

    The funniest thing I've found though, is that guys are strangely OK with it. Seriously, I haven't had a single bad reaction from any guy who has been interested in me. There have been 3 guys who have been interested in continuing to get to know me, even knowing my plans.

    Granted, the fact that they were all so open to it totally freaked me out and made me question what was wrong with them, so that didn't exactly work out (because I have this idea in my head of "who the heck would want to date me right now?!?") but the guys are out there who can understand this situation... who knows, maybe he would be one of them!

  8. Tiara and SIF, thanks for your input. SIF, I'm so glad that is the case. Right now though, the first step is to see if he is actually interested in me romantically at all. IF he is, things will actually get super duper complicated, given that he is only all of 25 :))