Wednesday, January 22, 2014

ICLW #3

Welcome to ICLW! Excuse the typos- I'm typing this post from my phone.

A quick introduction- my story has to strech back to when I was 25, when I decided that if I did not meet the right guy in the next 5 years, I was going to try to have a baby by myself.  To my own shock, I went ahead with this audacious plan the month I turned 30. I tried to get pregnant. I succeeded on my first try. I lost that pregnancy. I tried again two months later. I lost that too. I took a year long break and tried again, only to have the worst pregnancy/loss ever. At this point, I had severe pregnancy PTSD, and the thought of having an ultrasound to see if there was still a beating heartbeat made me sick with anxiety. I returned to my India (the country I grew up in) for the more affordable fertility treatments (including surrogacy)  and the support of my family. My first IVF was an unmitigated disaster. The second (where I designed my protocol myself) resulted in about as good a response as one could hope for, and a surrogate, after rejecting 3 of my high grade day-5 blasts, got pregnant with one of them.

That pregnancy hits 26 weeks tomorrow. It took a lot of superstition squishing to get me to participate in ICLW-- the first time I signed up for this, I discovered a pregnancy loss about 2 days in. I'm trying to recite this mantra from one of my favorite books: Hope strengthens, Fear kills. Well, not literally, but you can miss out on quite a bit just because of your stupid, irrational fears. So here I am, kicking one of my superstitions in the nuts and hoping it does not reciprocate.

My blog is not just a recounting of my story...I'm a scientist and an information junkie, and I'm determined to make this experience as positive as possible by dispersing how much ever information I can. And this I have done, to the point of making your eyes glaze over. If you are so interested, the 'Science of Infertility' page summarizes a good part of it.

So welcome. Thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to reading your stories!



10 comments:

  1. Hi from ICLW. Sorry about your losses. I know only too well what that is like.

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  2. Hi i had been following your blog for a while but didn't know your history. I am so sorry to hear what you had to go through.

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  3. Happy ICLW! Im so sorry to read of your losses. Way to kick the superstions aside! Wishing the the very best!

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  4. Hi from ICLW! I admire your gusto and courage to take matters into your own hands on multiple fronts. Life is what we make it :)

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  5. Good for you for kicking a superstition!

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  6. Hi from ICLW! Good for you for facing that fear head on...fear can *literally* ruin lives! Good luck with your surrogacy and I hope the remaining weeks pass quickly so you can have your healthy little bean in your arms!

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  7. I don't have a story so much as I'm just here to support the other women who are desperately trying to have a baby. I believe my journey will begin after April, when we start trying to have our final baby.

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  8. I'm so happy for you and the good news of the pregnancy via this surrogate is coming along well. I read the post before this one and must save what a wonderful blessing to have a RH- negative surrogate fit that would be safer for your baby. Great news and best wishes!
    Elizabeth via ICLW

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  9. Here from ICLW! Wow, what a wild story. So excited for you!

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