The day before Thanksgiving

I've told the story of an astrologer's spooky prediction before, but have to recount it again here.My parents, being pretty darned eager to get me hitched, and being Indian, have consulted with multiple astrologers about my matrimonial prospects. I usually wave whatever they say away, but one person did get my attention. He said its a good thing I have not been married yet, because until November 23rd of this year, I should not get pregnant, because if I do, there is a strong chance either I will die, or my baby will die. Afterwards apparently, is smooth sailing.

Although I've known about this prediction for months, but the significance of the date hit me today. On November 24th 2010, the day before thanksgiving last year,  I discovered my baby no longer had a heartbeat.  And now, on the day before thanksgiving, one year later, I get the celestial green light to attempt conception again? Of all the bloody days in the calendar, the astrologer names this one momentous date. This makes me clutch my head...what DOES it mean?!?!!?

Cosmic weirdness aside, I should also be thankful. I went though a lot of crap last year. My first pregnancy loss had me lost and groping. I was fixated on making this process work and I'd forgotten how to live life, long before that loss. I'd have thought a second blow would have toppled me completely. Instead, that second loss reset me, it made me stronger.  I've written a post before about how the only way I could cope was the hope that something good would come out of the bad that had happened with me. In a way that still amazes me, positive things have happened, only because my second child did not make it.  I discovered my Vitamin D deficiency only after that miscarriage. If I had stayed pregnant, I don't think it would have come to light, and it strikes me that I was at risk for a number of  pregnancy complications in that state.  Lets just say that far worse scenarios could have unfolded.

A lot of women have come by my blog and have discovered that they too had the same issue. Some of them have had (or are going towards) their happy endings. I don't think anybody can say whether their correcting their deficiency was the cause, but it remains a probability. If that is so, then its kind of amazing and emphasizes the point that even an event that appears wholly negative, may indeed not be so. There is a lot to be said for that butterfly effect.

I also got a cat this year. She is over 5 years old and I rescued her from the ASPCA. I do not know whether she would have found a good home, but she looked pretty wretched when I got her. Now, she is happy and fat and whole, and I'm just so glad I did it. If I had had a baby, there is no way I'd have got her.

We cannot control what happens. All we can do its try to find some comfort in our new reality, and I'm happy to say I'm finding plenty in mine today.  One year ago today, I was a horrified, confused mess. Today, I'm happy, healed and ready for whatever life brings.  I'm very thankful.